Consistency is key...........................

Good morning all! I am writing with eyes half open after day 2 of our "early morning arrival" thanks to the big boy bed's lack of caging abilities. In my great slumber this a.m. I kept hearing you guys remind me "consistency is key" as I carried him back to his bed screaming thinking "this is never going to work" and if you count 6:30 working, it did! I sure hope tomorrow morning we at least wait until the sun peeps through the curtains before we come barreling through the house. I know he takes after my schedule, early to bed and early to rise, but good gracious, I need early to be a bit later.

I also promise I didn't get online just to whine about Cross' wake time. I have something with a bit more depth running through my mind and it too relates to consistency being key so I thought this a.m. may be as good of a time as any to share. If my point is fuzzy we will blame it on a lack of sleep and if my point is profoundly brilliant we will blame that on the copyright capabilities of quoting other amazing authors.

As most of you guys know, Jeremy and I have been in a bit of a testing season of life, a season of waiting for the Lord to provide Jeremy with a job. All the while that detail has placed many other dreams pending in the air. I so wish I could tell you that I have tackled this season with all matter of faith and consistency, but nothing really could be further from the truth. I have ridden the ride of the pendulum swing more times than this-less than a thrill junky-would ever want to admit. I have memorized verses like Lamentation 3:26 "For it is good to wait quietly on the salvation of the Lord." And then often times in the same breath even I have whined and complained to countless friends about how "I just can't do this anymore". I have had moments where I just KNEW that our breakthrough was coming any day now and then I have been proven completely wrong a million times over. I have encouraged friends over the phone that our God is most faithful, most certain to provide, and then gotten off the phone and thought to myself "I sure hope so at least". It has more days than not looked like an out of control, screaming (and yes as you all know sometimes cussing) disaster. On good days, like yesterday, I keep my mind off of myself, focused on the gospel, and I rock on like a mighty warrior for Jesus. And then other days, like the day before yesterday, I feel like at any moment I am certain to have a nervous breakdown. I "throw-up" on poor unknowing friends who simply call to say hello. I take life out on Cross. I think you get the point.

BUT, the one thing that has not wavered this entire time has been God's great and glorious grace to provide for me just what I needed at the moment, for me not to go over the edge. My most recent and most cherished "God thing" has been a book that I hold so dear in my grip that honestly, outside of the Word, this book has breathed life into me like nothing I have ever read before. Or maybe it is just another example of how when God gives you EXACTLY what you need for a certain season of your life, that it truly is life. My most favorite part about this book is the fact that I got it as a special delivery from the Lord. Bare with me as I tell you the God story details because that just makes the blessing all the more glorious. I am a creature of habit. I usually only read books by authors I have loved in the past. I rarely (well never really outside of God's leading) buy a "random" book by a "random" author. Well, on my Dad's side of the family we drew names for Christmas. As only God could ordain, a dear sister-in-law of mine (who yes, loves Jesus) was asked to help out with my gift and sure enough, the Lord told her first hand what to buy. She gave me the dearest letter with all of the details, but I knew as I opened the first page that I had been hand delivered a love letter from the Lord in book form. I had never read anything by this author and I knew instantly that God was providing something I would have never purchased myself. Well, needless to say, 5 or 10 pages at a time, the Lord has used this book to give me just enough hope and encouragement to truck on. One day at a time. A theme that has been woven throughout the entire book is just as you expected, consistency is key. Do the right thing, one day at a time, especially during a great trial, and God WILL show up and deliver, in His time.

Well lately, after kind of "stepping back" and hearing the cries of other friends going through other trails, I am seeing more and more that for ALL of us, consistency really is key. Keep getting up, keep doing the right thing, keep doing the mundane things, keep doing the laundry, keep making dinners, keep spending within your budget, keep making a budget, keep tithing, keep eating healthy, keep attempting to avoid drama, keep having a daily quiet time, keep going to the grocery store, keep reading the book that is encouraging you, keeping going to church, keep joining small groups, keep sending out your resume, keep avoiding sin................and then ONE DAY your breakthrough will just appear, seemingly out of the clear blue sky. I have friends with testimonies and I have a million of my own of this principle coming to pass.

So this early weekend a.m., I leave you with this charge, consistency is key! One day I TOTALLY plan to give you guys a post with my breakthrough details. I am certain it will be a better story than I could ever dream up, but as for today, I am simply going to refer you to an amazing book that has given me great grace to truck on. Just in case even one of you is in great need of some encouragement of your own. I must also make this comment on the front end just so I am not tempted to write any ugly letters back if a rude commenter should arise. **Don't you dare bash my book or this author. The Holy Spirit prompted my sister-in-law to buy this for me and trust me, I have tested and GREATLY approved every morsel as life to a very sad sole.** I doubt that was necessary, but just in case I wanted to be clear on the front end. We are all (even myself) so quick to judge another pastor, Heaven forbid, especially one who smiles. We Christians often like to take this life as a horrible high road, so attractive to unbelievers I am sure. So don't hate on Joel, if you don't need encouraging, just don't buy the book, but if you do, soak it up! It is a glorious, refreshing, proclamation of hope, especially for one weary soldier being me!

So with all of that said, I love you all. For me personally, I am not seeing "no news as good news" but that is all I can offer today. Please keep praying for us as J sends his resume on this week. Please pray for me to have great "mommy" peace as dreams of a home and another baby are still without a certain "due date". Please thank God for me having the most awesome man who has been more faithful in this wait than any human could have been. He knows his Jesus and he knows who his Provider is and he knows that he has been placed with a mission this season and he rarely takes his eyes from those eternity changing goals. I could NOT be more proud!

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Your-Time-Activate-Increase/dp/143910011X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266068957&sr=1-1

Happy Reading!

K

Cowboy Boots and A Big Boy Bed...............

That title even sounds like a good country song! Here are some recent milestones we have met at the Bullock home. Our first set of boots came from BB. (Please notice the contrast between rock star hair and the boots. It's kind of like a party on the top and a barn dance on the bottom.) Also, a dear friend made Cross his VERY special big boy bed with custom cross in the headboard! Then Aunt Nina found the bedding and as always our sweet Nana footed the bill. I can't believe how much it breaks my heart and makes me smile from ear to ear all at once to see this transition. As many of you know I was a bit nervous about making him stay in the darn thing, but let me tell you, consistency is key. On the 5th "shepherding" on nap day 1, I kept thinking, "this is never going to work" and then a friend called and 5 minutes later I peaked in and SURE ENOUGH, it worked!!!!!!!!!!! At night he still sometimes manages to crawl down to the floor and fall asleep there, but that is just so darn cute. I'm not even positive he didn't take his whole nap today on the floor. I was too scared he would wake if I peaked so I just left him there! You guys have a great weekend and I promise more posts to come. I have several swirling, just a bit under the weather today so no clear brain cells are available for anything deeper than boots and bedding!

Love you all!

K

Oh, yes, one last thing. IF YOU READ MY BLOG AND YOU HAVE A BLOG........please, please send me your blog address. I lost several in a recent computer "clean up" and I know some of you out there are even "strangers". My reading material is getting to be slim pickins so SEND ME YOUR BLOG! Wew, that was a bit bossy! Sorry!

What we were born to be.................

So the Purity Ball was just what I expected..............priceless. On the younger night, when many of the girls have not been hurt by this hard world, they twirl, they smile from ear to ear when you tell them how pretty they look, they get super excited (instead of jealous) when another girl has their same dress, and they dance the night away with no reserve. It is one of the most beautiful things I have had the privilege of witnessing and it was just what I needed. Fresh water for the soul. I smiled for two hours straight both nights. Thank you so much for your prayers! The entire event came off with little less than a glitch. The only heart wrenching thing was that the event for the younger night was so full that we had to turn people away after the registration deadline. Packed is an understatement so we are praying God will give us a much bigger vision (and venue) for next year! Enjoy the pics and let's all twirl this week. Let's be the princesses we were born to be! Don't ever forget that as Christians we are children of the King of kings!!!!!!

K

The last pic is a group of us celebrating at Chili's on Saturday night when it was all cleaned up! This group carried me this past week and that is the understatment of the year!!!!!! Thank you guys! You are a very fine example of God's grace upon a gal!

Hear the Heart of Heaven Beating..................

Good Morning all! The Bullocks are back home and ever in awe of our great Savior! We witnessed many miracles yesterday. Little girls with the peace that passes all understanding, a father who once had a hardened heart towards God softening by the moment and a funeral that gave God every single ounce of glory! There were many saved there after the Gospel was laid out in probably as beautiful and simple way I have ever heard! All I can say is "to grace how great a debtor"! I love you all and I am so humbled by your prayers! Please add one more for the sake of specifics. Shawnna's father is having a very difficult time as is expected. We weren't meant to bury our babies and that was very obvious. Please pray with me that he turns to JESUS and JESUS ALONE! Nothing else will do, nothing else will help, and satan the punk of all punks is determined to put him under at all costs and under the most despicable of circumstances! NO, is what I say to that NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, by God's great grace tonight I am going to put on some sort of make-up and an outfit that resembles "dressy" and I am going to go to that Purity Ball and see every girl twirl in their dresses and I am going to bask in the glory of His presence! Pray It is there so that lives will be changed!

The redeemed will sing forever!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus Saves!

K

Ok, for the life of me, I cannot get this song to link to my blog so in hopes of not getting in a bad mood I am just going to share the link of a performance on youtube and let you watch and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwZqhx8eSN4&feature=related

Traveling Tomorrow.......................

Hey gang, I feel like I have posted 100 times in 3 days, but I just have to ask for more prayers. I can't seem to fatham the trip without you! Jeremy and I are traveling tomorrow to Jackson for the visitation and then the funeral on Thursday. We will be staying with our friends in Memphis and taking Cross. This mom just can't bare to leave him after being gone last weekend and I think a sweet boy will bring some smiles and hopefully even get to see and entertain the girls. They like to mother him and I like to watch! I feel strong one minute and then like a crazy lady the next. I also must selfishly add and ask for prayers because the Purity Ball is this coming weekend. That is an event I have been working on for 4 months (or more) at Hope and OF ALL WEEKS!

God has been so faithful to give me amazing friends and the best boss ever who have jumped in and done everything last minute in case I can't make it all together which I know emotionally is a possibility. I am going into work tomorrow to nail down all the final details and my brain could not be more scattered. Tonight I had to give myself a 20 minute pep talk to give Cross a bath and put him to bed. It seemed like rocket science at the moment. So obviously, please pray for my brain to work, at least until 2 tomorrow and then I can pick up my man and let him take things from there! I feel so selfish asking for you to pray for "me, me, me" but I honestly know that I must have you guys carrying me. I feel nervous of the depths of grief I could possibly encounter. I feel anxious about the emotions I might have and may have to show. Pray too for Jeremy who is going on a no-fun trip of a life time! How selfless he is, how I love him so! Ok, I am working on pictures. I love you all!

K

Gone to be with Jesus...............

Hello all, yes, I type fighting tears, partly of sorrow and partly of joy. I got a text early this a.m. that Shawnna had gone to be with Jesus. I don't even know what to say. One huge praise (for me) did occur to me this morning for the very first time. In 2008, when we lived in North Caroline, I obviously rarely got to see Shawnna. I am thinking only once the entire year. But oh God's grace in 2009, we were only 2 short hours away and I praise Him that we saw each other so very often. I am so mad that I don't have a wonderful picture to share with you. One of her "long" curly hair (that was the most beautiful post chemo treat you have ever seen in your entire life), but the stubbornness in me would never take a picture because she always took that as "she's not going to be around much longer".

I think anytime we lose someone, especially expectantly to some degree, you have regrets. After her brain surgery, she didn't call, even a week or so out. I kept "being polite" and giving her space to recover and heal. I would send texts and when she didn't respond I would think "she will when she feels better". I had NO IDEA she was getting worse. I think I might have called her five times a day had I known or gone on out there and jumped in her lap. I think I would have taken a picture of each and every trip we took this year.

But instead, I think I will trust Jesus! "If only's" are always from satan. I'll stick with my memories of the 8:15 a.m. phone calls. I probably always answered "you got the girls dropped off". She would always make fun of me for being a perky early bird. Then we would talk until we were just completely convicted for being bad moms and our children (she would still have her youngest) were running wild. She would always joke if I didn't answer because I was on the other line, she would say "who's taking up my time". I will remember our mutual cue, "I'm sorry Miss Shawnna, I'll have to call you back, Cross and I have to go have a "talk"". I'll remember that after all she was going through, she was constantly making sure we had groceries, shampoo, and toilet paper. I'll remember her always giving Jeremy grace when I would try to complain about him. I'll remember the way she looked at Cross, she did love boys and maybe now she is with a son in Heaven. She miscarried once as well. I could type all day, I remembers................

I hate the fall, I hate cancer, I hate even the thought of babies growing up without their mommy, but oh how I LOVE JESUS! He makes it bearable! He makes the wrongs right! He makes Heaven available! He makes sorrows not in vain! I will promise to get pictures for you guys. Pictures of that curly hair and the straight even before. I will get pictures of those sweet babies so you will have faces to pray! Maybe we can all print their picture and put them in our Bibles and just pray for them our entire lives.

This post may be too raw, if so, I apologize. I sometimes should journal personally instead of blogging publicly, but I do love and miss my friend. But more so, I have never in my life known someone that walked so closely with Jesus and now she is arm and arm! Oh what a wonderful day that will be..........

K

Friends..........

Oh friends, you have overwhelmed me by your love and grace. Text messages have trickled in to the point that I just had to update because there is no way to even respond. Do you know what it does to my heart to peak down and see that another one of you is praying us through. Shawnna did make it through the night. I did get to say "good bye" and squeeze her sweet hand. I am running on zero sleep and am actually home now but getting in the car soon to travel to Nashville with my precious driving friend from last night who is also losing a friend to cancer this week. I cannot tell you what your prayers are doing to carry me. Here are a few to add to your list, but for the most part, I keep thinking of that verse that says something like, when I do not know what to pray, the Holy Spirit groans on my behalf! Love you all!

K

1. Obviously a peaceful and painless passing.
2. I don't even know where to begin with her daughters, I am praying for a peaceful last memory if she does get to go home (they are calling in hospice sp?). I am praying she will be strong enough to tell them one last I love you!
3. Shawnnas ex-husband who is the young age of 30 and will be a single parent. Pray, pray for his salvation!!!!!!!!!!! That is my greatest plea to the Father! Take him like He took Paul! Totally sold out over night.
4. For all the family!