Overwhelmed.............................

Hello Sweet Friends,

I thought I would try for a much lighter post here in Bullock Family Land. Come with me to Ethiopia can be a bit overwhelming, especially to me because I am still almost fainting at resturants when someone says "no thank you" to a to-go box or when I had to clean out my fridge or when each day at lunch I throw away enough food from Cross' plate alone to feed a hungry child so I think we all need a good laugh. I thought I should get on and attempt to make some jokes while my son is acting completely horrible in the background and my sweet husband is trying to make the best of it. Cross goes to daycare all day now on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I have asked God 100 times if it is too much because it appears to be too much. He is like a blood sugar depleted, exhausted mess each day that he returns, but he does in fact know how to count to 10 and he is tracing his name and has a new bff named Max who I finally met on Tuesday. Max cries a lot according to Cross, but Cross cries a lot according to me so who knows. I am going to attempt the feat of potty training tomorrow. I think I would rather plan an event or run a non-profit any day over tackling such an overwhelming task. Pee on my couches and Heaven forbid poop happening anywhere other than a diaper is a lot to take in. I am trying to schedule it around a few days at home which also gives me palpitations because at home often turns into a very bored stir crazy little boy. Let's just pray that the Thomas the Train underwear are so near and dear to his heart that he would never dream of tarnishing them with any unthinkables.

Ok, so where was I? Oh yes, overwhelmed. I am also CERTAIN that my dog is going to lose her life over begging for that stupid ball that goes under the couch every single time it rolls. I am swearing that our next couch either has to be flat on the floor or high enough so she can crawl under and out without making a single peep. Didn't she get the memo that I now have a REAL child that demands a large portion of my responsibility.I find myself day dreaming about hurling her out the door or when Cross is pitching a fit about something in the front seat I promise you one day I am going to calmly roll down the window and chuck it out the door and keep driving as if nothing happened. Is that healthy??

So this is me, knee deep in mommy land, wondering how we can have such a love/hate relationship. Wondering how on earth one child can walk in my house with a horrifically mismatched outfit from a daycare accident and steal my heart and then within 30 seconds start whaling on the floor and cause me to have to take deep breaths and start quoting scripture about anger. I really do love being a mom, but I have said it before and I am certain I will say it again, this job is one that I signed up for with NO CLUE what I was getting myself into. Sometimes when he rams my boob (so sorry if there are any male readers) into my back I am certain I am going to bite my lip clear off trying not to cuss and other times when he runs without any inhabitions I am praising God over and over for giving me that little guy. When Snick picks out the pieces of food that she doesn't prefer and leaves them on my 1X1 kitchen floor it makes me want to take her food away forever, but when she snuggles right up to me on the couch I think what on earth would life be without her. I probably have the same feelings about my husband quite honestly (and he does for me) but he can read so I will refrain from posting them. I have a good set of years until Cross reads and surely he won't look back on July 29, 2010. If you do little buddy just know being a mommy is hard and had Jesus not given me the grace to raise you AFTER submitting to walk with Him God only knows where you and I would be.

So until next time blog world, I am a bit overwhelmed with all of the calls of life. I am a bit overwhelmed with the things that you were certain would make life perfect falling far from the mark. I am a bit overwhelmed with "will I do this potty training thing right" and will I ever get good at reading to Cross consistently, brushing his teeth daily, AND spending enough time with Jesus in order to ensure that it is all done with a smile! You guys have a great weekend and when you go to the potty, your kid goes to the potty, or you change a stinkin' diaper, think of me, pray for me, and smile at the laughs you would be certain to have in the event that you get to beam down as a fly upon my fall!

Off to bed!
K

Kelly is in Ethiopia!

Hey blog world, this is Kelly's hub's reminding everyone that she is in Ethiopia for the next ten days. She should actually be landing sometime in the next hour or two. Anyways if you would like to follow her along check out her blog she made for the trip. Also, please pray for her and the team as the visit the different orphanages and love on the different babies and children.

http://www.comewithmetoethiopia.blogspot.com/

Thanks,

J

My Man................

My man is the best father in all the world.

My man offered up some DNA that is most attractive for our son.

My man LOVES Jesus and his son will see that and that thrills me.

My man does the right thing when none of you are looking and I see.

My man was born to be a father, it comes so natural to him.

My man is building a legacy that will make some mighty fine fathers.

My man is my best friend and being a parent with him is my greatest honor in life.

My man is my son's hero.

Happy Father's Day! I pray you know that Cross and I really do think you hung the moon!

K

One Last Hooo Rahhhhh

Hello Blog World, I am so all or none, no posts for a few weeks and then three in three days. If you only knew how true that is in all areas of my life. I thought I would get on and give one last hello, share some family photos, and probably sign off from the Bullock Family for a month or so in order to focus on the Ethiopia Blog. You can come along if you would like at http://www.comewithmetoethiopia.blogspot.com/.

Several realities have hit today. As you know we were supposed to be beaching it this week so I kept thinking "I'll focus on Ethiopia once we get back from the beach". That is how my box brain works, but now as there is no beach I am ready to switch gears.

With that, the one thing I dread most is missing my family, but I know that always makes me VERY close to the Lord which is never a bad thing. I feel insecure sometimes even coming to Winchester without my man. I call him OFTEN and can hardly wait to get back to him. Cross, well, I am usually honestly thankful for the break for the first day or so and then well, there really hasn't ever been a then. I can't remember exactly, but I am thinking no more than 4 days have I been away from him. 10 will be hard. I haven't felt this in a while, but I know the Lord is saying "I have planned it this way baby, that you would know no one and take no one with you, even your phone must remain here, it is just going to be me and you." That's how it was in 2003 when we first started walking together. I had to give up ALL of my relationships, some of my family even took a few steps back, it was just me and Jesus. I talked to Him almost every second of every day. Now I find myself calling J, calling you, calling humans and begging them to meet my needs, fill my security and love tank and they always fail because they are not capable of succeeding. Ethiopia will bring back that intimacy, telling Him my every fear, begging Him to come closer and allow me to feel His presence more and more. People will be all around, but I know I will feel very much alone.

I will put all of the details of Him calling me to the trip in the first place in the blog, but know that although I am excited, I more so know that I am called. I will not/can not ask myself how I "feel" about any step of this venture. He has called me and He will fully equip me. I cannot be a double minded man or I will miss His blessing! He has made it clear and confirmed it a million times over so this is not up for negotiation at this point, it is up for obedience, and by His grace, I will obey. So thank you for your prayers! I depart in a little over 3 weeks and after reading an email today with lots of do's and don'ts the uncomfortable reality has set in, pray for me that excitement will override any and all fears! Actually, pray for those sweet babies that are certain to break my heart instead of praying for my poor heart. We/I am the person who "must do something about this". Pray God gives me a deep vision for how I am to help, even how my smile is to brighten their very dark days. I can't wait for Heaven. I can't wait until orphans are a thing of the past, but in the mean time, may I love them madly, lavishly. May I hug them so tight when I miss my own sweet baby and may I pray bold prayers while I am there that will move mountains on their behalf. So until Augustish, "Come with me to Ethiopia", we are certain to have an eye opening, heart wrenching, good time!

K

Kelly #2

Hello Blog World, let me give you a quick recap. Last night I went to bed so frustrated I could have spit. [Please see previous post if needed.] I was also so tired that thankfully I went right off to sleep. Then the alarm went off this morning for time with Jesus PRIOR to Cross' morning arrival and prior to someone dying or getting spit on. I was mad at the alarm, mad at myself for not being excited about falling at the feet of my Jesus, by His grace I got up. I love hearing Him speak to me. That is really all it takes to change my mood! I looked up James 1:5,6 in my new Bible that is the Life Application Study Bible, it says "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind." And then He reminded me of my above blog verse, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him MUST believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." And that about sums in up. If I have a question, concern, or care, ask God how to handle it and then trust that some how, some way, He will show me what to do! Then for the things He is telling me to wait on, I must have faith and believe that He is going to rock my world. In the mean time, He is telling me to serve people, serve friends, family, neighbors and then some more friends. He is telling me when I want things to HURRY UP or if I am having a royal pity party, that I should find one of you and see just what exactly I could do to bless your day! So, with that being said, Jesus, you are the best! Thank you for encouraging me this morning!

Oh and by the way, my blood work is now all officially PERFECT! I might just be the healthiest person ever thanks to His grace so I am now going to keep trucking with my supplements and I am going to rock on and get ready for my next few weeks.

The blessings are too endless to list, but here goes..........

1. I am getting a TAN! That is huge for this poor gal who hasn't seen the sun all summer until now. Cross is having a blast here at the pool and the sun is making me smile by the second.

2. My man be working some deals! No seriously, God has brought him so many awesome blessings in his business already and he is so good at what he is doing! I have always LOVED my jobs and it is thrilling to see him love his!

3. I am going to ETHIOPIA in a few weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Some awesome things have been going on at Hope Pregnancy Center and God is so gracious to allow me the chance to watch Him work first hand. The Post Abortion Ministry is really taking off and going to another level! We are working on hiring some new staff which always makes me super excited! The Walk was amazing! The new director (who has also become a dear friend) is God's great gift to the Center. She so loves to watch the Lord work!

5. Our church has night of worship again a week from tomorrow night and that is always my favorite part of the month!

6. I get to meet my Ethiopia crew next Thursday. I only kind of know one girl so we are going to Nashville to meet the team and team leader so I can't wait for that!

7. I started a new Bible Study and it is all about the love of God! It takes you through the Jewish wedding tradition and then correlates all the scriptures to us as being the bride of Christ. There have been moments where I almost lost it thinking about Him being the groom who pursued me AFTER His Father chose me, good gracious it is almost more than one soul could bare.

8. I get to see my daddy tonight!

9. I get to take a nap as soon as I hit "publish post"

10. And I have the greatest friends on earth! Thank you all for your love and prayers!

Signing off!
K

Let's see how it goes.......

I am getting on once again to attempt to form some kind of post in order to say hello, stay connected, and attempt to be a blogger who really does blog. I feel so up and down lately that I hate to take you along on the roller coaster of my life, but I guess you board at your own free will. One part of me is doing cartwheels daily about J's new awesome career and the reality that our life is FINALLY moving forward and then another side of me is so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I am certain the "moving on" is never really going to happen. Satan loves a defeated heart and often the only reason I don't go to the rock bottom is because it would make him happy and I really prefer and enjoy ticking him off instead. He has stolen too many of my days to allow him even one more.


I, as all humans, would prefer to log on and tell you guys how great and wonderful my life is, my faith is, my child is, my marriage is, you get the point. I would rather not be a rambling basket case who has so many personalities that you keep checking the top to see if you have accidentally ventured to another person's blog. It is still me, one day so full of faith and love and adoration for Christ that I cannot contain myself and then another day I am the biggest brat this side of the Mississippi. I was thinking today, what would I do if I had a "real" health problem? I fall apart over a head ache. I missed the phone call today from the nurse at the endocrinologist about my blood work that was done there so now I have to wait until the a.m. I have also been battling the battle between natural vs well.........PHDish. I got an ear full yesterday about my supplements and I wanted so badly to be a godly woman and respect where he was coming from, but I really wanted to scream, YOU DON'T LIVE MY LIFE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE to not even be able to hold your eyes open to drive or to play with your two year old or make dinner for your husband. I feel great when I take them and like crap when they make me stop for blood work so I am sticking what works for now. I just wish the doctors would join forces and all get along. I also hate that money drives every one's opinion to some degree and stops my motivation to get to the bottom of the problem. I also wonder at what point do you go get hands laid on you for healing and when do you go to the doctor? If Jesus is willing to heal me for free and for fast, I never ever want to miss out on that. I also have an ear issue, that may or may not be allergy related. Today, after months of annoyance, it is totally blocked and killing me, lovely thing to happen as you are driving out of town. I am in Winchester, spending some time by the pool with my mom and whining instead of praising as you can see. I also found out this week that it will probably be TWO years before we can get a loan for a home and I will no comment how that made me feel. I told J it would be like someone telling him that he would not be able to have a work space of his own for two years, TWO YEARS. I try not to idolize a home, but today I am not winning that battle either, as you can tell.


So...............will Jesus rock my world and will I feel silly for fretting over these things, yes! Will He work all of this out and does He PROMISE to give you wisdom (James 1:5,6) if you ask, not as a double minded man, YES! So, I am going to bed, waking in the a.m. and having a good quite time and attempting to have a thankful heart tomorrow. I need to make a nice long list of thanks and politely ask some pleases. No one is motivated to bless a brat! I love you guys, I will post photos one day I promise. I am computerless and cameraless because of J's new job, but I try not to let those minor details frustrate me, but I am failing fiercely. I could list you a million details just from this week alone that would prove to you just how blessed I really am and I think I will attempt to make that my next post. How depressing this one has become, please forgive me. I want a steadfast Spirit, but as of today, I think the first month of BC is no friend of a sinner. I will work on things and super sweet, loving, bubbly Kelly will appear again soon and encourage you to follow madly after the Savior. I can promise you that being in Winchester surrounded by my past is a glorious reminder "that I have been chosen so that I can proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light"! He is so worthy, the other option is just down right CRAP! I lived it for 23 years and my worst day on this side, does not even compare to the before. So may I truck on, be thankful for grace, really really thankful for grace and we'll try again tomorrow! His mercies being new is so gloriously refreshing!

K

Hello Blog World........................

Yes, I am still alive. I have not been in the best mood this weekend. Our trip was on until the oil did offically move into Orange Beach Friday night so my mood has been rather grumpy. I am also going to an endocronologist in the a.m. after some not so perfect blood work and my fatigue is just making me think and move at the pace of a tired snail. I love you all! I promise to post pics and fun events in the weeks to come. Please just hang with me! That is what I am asking of everyone until I get better. I know satan's 400th attempt to get us down is NOT going to work so he should just move on!!!!!!!! Ok, I promise, good posts to come!



K