Don't Blame Me...............

I sometimes struggle with being one of God’s messengers. Sometimes He puts blogs in my head and I think, “Oh, no, not again Lord, can’t we just do something light”. Can’t we just do something that feels good? Maybe some cute pictures of Cross, of the fam, of the new Student Auditorium, but no, here I sit at a cross roads asking myself, will I type as He leads or will I sugar coat it so you will keep logging on. I do think anyone that has stuck around this long has given up on light. I feel like we have weeded out any fun Cross searchers because especially lately, He has had me literally on my face rethinking everything--and if you are still in on this journey, my bet would be you are starting to question some things as well. So this blog is titled, "Don’t Blame Me." Like I said, it has been in my head for a about a week now so I am attempting to be obedient. Bear with me if I step on some toes. Honestly, mine are bruised from these truths I have been faced with lately so here goes: This is a letter from God to us!

Don’t blame me my children for the raging of the sea. Don’t blame me for the hungry or diseased. Go help them dear ones. Go rush to their aid. Go tell them of Jesus in any and every way. Feed their hungry lips instead of indulging yours. Clothe their little bodies and ignore all the stores. Wipe tears from their eyes instead of watching TV. No, it is you who was plainly called, don’t blame me.

Recently I heard or read, I really can’t even remember, a message on this and it just cut like a knife. I do, just to be real honest, look at those poor children on TV in Africa and think, why God why. The sad answer to that ‘why’ is that there is simply a lopsided allocation of funds. In America, we spend millions of dollars on football stadiums and SUVs, designer clothes, tanning beds, and big screen TVs. We get manicures and pedicures and massages for our weary feet. We have excess in the pantry, the walk-in-closets, the shoe racks and maybe most often, the baby-clothes-collection. Babies certainly don’t care what they wear! We feel that we “deserve” so much, yet in doing so are we assuming that others deserve so little? And if you say you don’t, you are lying--unless your actions prove otherwise.

Today the Lord had me give a challenge to my Bible Study, another fun request, for sure. I asked those women, some of whom are years my senior and others, my junior to just be brave enough to ask Jesus if He would have them respond to this truth in a practical way in their day to day lives. Honestly, for me personally, I do feel I have asked, but I don’t believe I 100% know the details. I know some things are changing. I know that the more I listen to sermons, the more the reoccurring theme of giving lavishly is present. I know He is slowly having me to let go of things I ounce clinched with a white knuckle fist. I am slowly visioning us without ever owning a home. I am slowly believing that our kids really can share a 9 by 9 room (when I say kid(S), plural, I promise there are none in the oven). I just mean He is starting to show me that if we all (all Christians) got on board with this others focused gospel and turned our backs on the far too popular me centered one, that we really could change the world.

I have said this before, but I do know I can be a little much. I know I can be a little over the top, but I feel like I am meeting some people, even if only by computer, that are way more over the top than myself and I will just have to be honest with you, it is exhilarating. I sometimes feel all alone and now I feel a little more normal. If you have ever sat around and thought to yourself, especially after you started following Jesus, is this really all life is, then you too are crying out for more. My mentor and I were talking about this being the button for midlife crisis for sure. You think the home, the spouse, the 2.5 kids is going to do it for you and then you wake up one day not wanting to go to your awesome job and subconsciously being so disgusted with your surplus of things and instead of seeking Jesus, you just take another angel. You take another spouse, another life, another home, another job and years go by and it just gets more empty.

So to close, my camera is broken so who knows when cute Cross pictures will be back on the scene. I honestly think that is about as far down the list of Jesus’ concerns as one issue might be. Ask yourself today, is there anything I’m missing. Go ahead, don’t be scared. As Francis Chan put it at Big Stuf where he so radically challenged students in hopes they would never have to reprogram, “I’m not asking you to give up your dreams, I am honestly just asking you to buy into some bigger ones”. I really believe there are some things on my horizon that are going to rock my world to the core and that I am going to look back and be like “house what and comfort who”. Following Jesus IS where life exists, I just think some of us are guilty of taking the lead!

Because of Him,
Kelly