Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year, Praise the Lord!!!!!!!

Good Morning again blog world! I am writing Happy New Year a day early because I am certain tomorrow with the hubs home and the ever so exciting (I mean this literally for my personality) home organizing overhaul under way I won't stand a chance at saying hello. I think how blessed we are that after Christmas we have to reorganize the entire house just to make sure everything fits and finds a place. I am typing at the speed of light too this chilly a.m. because any second a certain little boy may awake and the games will begin! My Happy New Year title includes a very loud PRAISE THE LORD as well because although I know that 2009 has taken off tons of yuck and given way to lots of growth, I am not looking back to see it go! I couldn't be more excited to start a fresh New Year. The Lord has spoken to me over and over in my Spirit telling me that 2010 has some much needed favor upon it! I have written before about the Lord giving us a "word" for the year and that thought crossed my mind the other day and instantly the Lord gave me "renewal" and oh how that was music to my ears and a cool rag for my soul! I can't wait to see what all He has in store.

We must never forget that although He takes away, more often He gives. So be on the edge of your seat sweet friend for what all this year will intell! Well, I didn't get a lot in, but the little guy is up and the day must begin! I am praying for you guys out there! I am praying that you will hold on to HOPE and allow the Lord to rock your world this 2010 year! The absolute worst thing that could have happened to me this past year was not loosing a baby or us not having a stable job or any of the other life let downs, no the worst thing that could have happened would have been if we had walked away from our Savior, from our HOPE! And by God's great and amazing grace we DID NOT! So 2010 here we come! With bells and whistles galore!

The Bullocks!

Monday, December 28, 2009

He gives and takes away.................

Good Morning Blog World! I pray that you all had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. Jeremy and I had a great Christmas this 2009 year! We did pre-Christmas celebrations with Jeremy's family and then headed to my hometown for the Holidays and it was all amazing! Some years with family are "for better or for worse", because we are human and so are they, but this year was most certainly for better. We saw prayers being answered, family members who have recently accepted Christ and now had real HOPE for the new year, Cross' sweet face light up for MORE presents, huggin my Daddy's neck one more year and my sweet Mother hosting us like a king and queen (and prince and princess, she even lets little Snicker Doodle rule the roost)! It was certainly a year to sit back and watch all the tiny and huge miracles God has done in our lives and in our families' lives!

In addition to the celebration of the birth of our awesome Savior and the Happy New Year that is right around the bend, we now have a sweet little birthday for our baby boy Joshua Cade who we lost when I was 4 months pregnant this time last year. This day marks one year and for so long I have wondered how on earth this day would make me feel. This past month we watched a dear, dear friend go through the same loss (with great poise and trust in her Savior might I add) and then several amazing friends getting the long awaited blessing of an adoption that actually was completed! It has been amazing to watch these two parallels and to reflect on how t-totally God has healed my very fragile heart over this last year. There were times at the beginning of 2009 that I never dreamed I would make it through another day because of the pain, much less through the entire year. There were times when I thought I would never be whole enough to raise the sweet baby I did have in my arms and now that bundle makes me smile from ear to ear every single day.

He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away, but our hearts MUST choose to say, "Lord, blessed be your name"! That is the perfect way to sum up my feelings! I am so sad that we had to endure that pain, but I wouldn't trade anything for knowing that one day I will have a formal introduction to that sweet baby boy who I know (because I saw his sweet face) looks more like his daddy than even Cross. I wouldn't change how it has allowed me the grace to love on others during their loss because now I know that gut wrenching pain, but even better the wholeness of full healing after grief. I am a better tool for it and even the fact that I can type those words is a loud cry of God's great grace and mercy upon our family!

So baby Cade, Mommy and Daddy love you so very much! We miss you and are sad that you are not in our arms this day! But because that sweet Baby came on Christmas day, we have a HOPE that is as real as anything that I can feel, taste, or touch in this room that we will see you again soon!


Thursday, December 24, 2009


Come, come and behold the Son
Come, come and behold the babe
Come, See what the Lord has done
Come, Heaven has made a way

See, see in the east the star
Come, now as the angels sing
"All Glory be unto God"
Born, Born is the Saving King

O Rejoice, Rejoice
Heaven sings tonight
Rejoice, The Lord has come

Still, still is the weary world
Still but for the humble praise
Hear, hear as the shepherds sing
Join, join as the drummer plays

Fall, fall on your knees all men
Joy, joy to the world this day
Here, find ye the word as flesh
Here, here on a bed of hay

Enough Said...........
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Love, The Bullocks!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

You are making it very difficult...................

This morning as Cross walked around the house whining and being very rude and bossy, I said under my breath in an attempt to try to keep my cool, "Cross, you are making it very difficult today for mommy to get excited about parenting you." I laughed almost immediately as I thought of our Father saying the same thing to us. All too often (I know for me at least) I make it very difficult for my husband to get excited about being married to me, my family and friends and coworkers to get excited about loving me, and I am sure I make it difficult for my son to get excited about me being his mommy. But most often I am certain that it is the Lord, who in His great perfection doesn't snatch me up by the neck several times a day, when I make it so difficult for Him to do what needs to be done to parent me properly. So this Christmas season, let's do everything in our power to make it EASY for those around us to love us, but most importantly, let's make it easy for our Father to bless us, to be proud to call us His chosen people, to parent us as we need! I love you guys! Merry Christmas Eve Eve!


Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Christian Religion..............

Christian religion is a phrase I just heard on the television. In addition to this phrase I have heard, "Holiday tradition", "world Christmas" and "only if it doesn't offend anyone", all of which have broken my heart. Jesus Christ, born of a virgin Mary, the Son of the living God, came to this earth for one purpose, to save His children from a life long separation from Him!


Let that sink in for one minute. I know some people think I am crazy, but this man named JESUS really has changed my life. He didn't come so that we could have a fun thing to do in December, not to boost the economy, and most certainly not so that families could have a safe little tradition or even religion for that matter. Jesus came to this earth so that we could reign victorious over satan and his schemes. He was born so that we could wake up in the morning and feel the presence of the Lord as if He were (actually is) in our hearts. He was born so that He could die, die for us, die for the broken, retched, and hopeless! He lived, so that He could die, so that we could live.

So this year, please, if you have not given your entire life over to Christ, do. I'm not just talking about your "salvation" although to date, my greatest blessing in life is my salvation in Christ. It isn't my amazingly handsome husband or happy healthy baby boy, it is my Savior. But know there is so much more to this whole thing than a stinkin "Christian Religion". Hear me say............HE WANTS TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND! And anything less just makes Christmas a shopping focused, tree decorating, unfulfilling, joke!

Christ came to this earth and died so that we could have a life of purpose, of hope and most certainly not for religion. He spoke constantly against religion as a matter of fact. He spoke of relationship, of things that were miraculous and supernatural. He did things that only HE could do and He allowed His servants to do things that only they could do because of HIM. He walked those roads in the Middle East not so that we could "co-exist" but so that we could all be saved. Saved from the pit of hell, you bet ya, but in some moments, for all of us, He came so that we could be saved from the hopelessness of this life.

In 2003 I was hopeless, and a sweet couple came along and told me of a Man who could always offer hope. They told me of a Book that could always release strongholds and heal men. They taught me of a Savior that was seeking us, not us seeking Him. And do you want to know the best part of it all, I believed them, and the even better part is, I still do! I still know that regardless of how I "feel" this Jesus thing is real and He has rocked my world for the last almost 7 years. He has completely recharted my course. He has healed me of about a million pains from my childhood and forgiven mounds of sin from my early adult years. He has broken addictions and given me the grace to grasp a hold of the life I have always desired. And just for the record, yes I do fully anticipate experiencing more and more intimacy, freedom, redemption, and grace for the next 50+ years to come. I don't intend on settling for a "Christian Religion" this season or any other. I want to sit in awe this awesome Holiday season, in awe of His submission to come to this earth for US. I want to sit in awe of His hunt for the lost sheep. I want to sit in awe for being that lost sheep and the sound of the angel's song when I was retrieved. I want to sit in awe of the fact that even the people who harmed me in my childhood can fall under His saving grace and that even the people that I hurt so desperately in my adulthood can forgive me by that same power.

I am asking you this year, no matter where you are in your journey towards faith in knowing Christ, to take a step towards Him and not towards religion. Don't celebrate this season in vain as if celebrating the birthday of a distant relative. Go celebrate this Holiday like someone who is smack dab in the middle of the family. Talk to Him and tell Him "thank you" as if He were sitting right next to you instead of far away in a distant, make-believe land. Don't settle for anything less in your life than victory (never perfection) and abundance (never safe and sound). I certainly don't think the the timing of reflection and amazement at our Savior's Birth and the relief and rejuvenation of the "New Year" is at all a coincidence. One goal worth having this 20-10 is getting to know that Baby in the manger as your one and only best friend for life! I love you all and I do pray that you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!


Monday, December 14, 2009

Writer's Block...........................

Hey gang,

Sorry it has been a bit since I last said hello. I seem to be having a tad bit of writer's block these days. There's really nothing new here at the Bullock home, just trucking along, trying to have more good days than bad. I am up at a very random hour after an early night nap so thought it was most fitting to say hello. Usually it is the early a.m. letters that I am most comfortable with but this late night feels fun all the same. OOOOHHHH I just got a dirty look from the hubs. That too is rare as he is never trying to sleep before me. He asked me politely to "go away" hahahhah! Oh the joys of life!

Many have asked "how are you guys doing" and the answer is better than we deserve. That is always a funny, older man, comment but that is reality here for sure. God is moving in our lives, although mainly in our hearts and only small steps in our circumstances, it is really more beautiful that way. Cross is growing like a weed, tall and skinny actually. His little butt can't hold up a pair of pants to save his life and he is starting the toddler eating strike that I had heard was coming. He picks at best. That stage doesn't do so well for the take it or leave it rule because the mama in you wants to offer him whatever just to make sure the little guy has enough calories to sleep, but I am getting better knowing that he is not going to starve.

Also, we have had a great victory here by giving up paci. I have always preferred the p-a-s-s-y spelling, you know, like sassy, but passy and J has informed me, laughing in front of friends, (they joined him) that I have no clue how to spell. That is really not new news, but it was hard to hear all the same. I informed him that slangs can be spelled however the user prefers. I should find that rule online and use a foot note just to show him up! Ok, where was I, yes paci is gone and honestly that was as smooth of a transition as any could have been. I am so blessed to have a new friend that made me suck it up and make the move and he did great. We have been doing nights and naps only for a while and the Lord walked me through the first few "crying it outs" and within a day or two we were down to like 1 minute of crying which is no more than when we had the paci lots of the time. So there's my mom advice for the day, wait until life is realitvely calm and then pull up your boot straps and get the job done! So much easier said than done I know.

Please do pray too for Cross' speech. At his 2-year well check the doc gave me the 3month grace, but then the speech troops must be called in. Pray that I will know what my role is to help him learn to talk but not carry the guilt burden that satan always attempts. I know in the end he will be a happy talking Kindergartner. I just know it is frustrating to him as well because he just can't always get what he wants in his head across to mommy's head and that would make anyone mad.

On a lighter note, I hope everyone is enjoying the picture of our little Christmas Snicker Bug. That was taken at our old Clarksville house and for the life of me I can't get our tag to go below her little body on the carpet so no "Bullock Family" and fun verse can be retrieved. I am so slow at this blog design stuff. Maybe one day I will have a personal designer who will give me the fun look and I won't have to mess with it! I prefer the writing part for sure. Little Snickers is a bit on the chubby side these days. I am sure the 3,000 pounds of gold fish Snicker Snacks that Cross has offered up has nothing to do with that extra weight. I tell him "no" but I just can't bring myself to discipline him for sharing with his sister. They are so darn cute together. They are finally at the age to enjoy one another's company (most of the time). Cross gives a good bye farewell to her when we leave and those are the first words out of his mouth when we pull in the drive way. Most of his words are sounding a bit redneckish. SNIIIIIIIIIIIICK and then "I tuck" for "I'm stuck" say it with a drawwwwwwwwww. It is so cute! Just makes my heart smile. In the mornings when he wakes and wants to get out of his crib he yells "Oh no........I tuck". You gotta love that! What a nice way of saying "come get me lady".

Well, other than that, the Bullocks are rocking along and the writer's block is broken! I am thanking Jesus for any and all victories we are having. He is so good, so faithful and the only hope at victory this life can bring. I am honored you read blog friends. Keep me posted on you!!!!


By the way, I am posting this without the hubs spell check so laugh along friends if there are any good ones, I can take it!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Please Pray..............

For Miss Beth!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Do you need help hearing from God?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

A week of miracles...........

Although I would have never signed up for a season of financial hardship, I can most certainly assure you that they always come with a fresh proof of God's great provision and miracles. This week alone my chin has dropped numerous times at even the smallest, seemingly most unimportant (in the grand scheme of life), details that God has seen fit to bless me with His grace.

The first one came at the onset of all our sickness. I knew that I pretty much had a one week spending freeze, but I am the biggest advocate of "load up on the vitamin C" you will ever meet so I just prayed that the Lord would protect us. The second half of my thought process during this time has to do with a Christmas tree. For the past 2 years we have not decorated for Christmas because of moves or what have you and this year the "we are renting and there are no pictures on the walls so why bother with it" saga began, but I knew I needed to decorate for Christmas. I knew that those lights calm my soul and make me focus on Jesus in the most special way. BUT our Christmas tree that was given to us a few years back is way too big for our skinny little living room and buying a new Christmas tree was about as low on the priority list as one thing could be! SO......I go to my friend Shelli's house Friday a.m. just to try to get Cross out of the house for a bit and she comes out of the bathroom with a HANDFUL of vitamin C mega dose packets and says "here take these". I was speechless. THEN she says, "what did you guys decide to do about decorating for Christmas" and I go into the whole story about needing a skinny tree, blah, blah and she says "oh, we have an extra one that is tall and skinny, Nick honey, would you put that extra tree in Kelly's trunk for her". I like needed to do a Jesus double take! That night, I took my vitamin C packet and Jeremy was so precious and pulled out every single Christmas box from the shed and we turned up the Christmas music super loud after Cross was off to sleep and the joy in this house was almost more than I could bare. I felt like so much had changed. I couldn't have cared LESS if the stupid ornaments matched, they were mine, they were ours, and they were on a tree that God Himself had made sure I was able to enjoy!

Ok, so on to today's miracle. Just for the record, I am a quick forgetter of God's goodness. J gets paid on Wednesday, we have no groceries and when I say none, I mean I had cooked all the meat in this house and my man has got to have some meat and there was nothin! So, I tell J last night, "you need to pray because I don't know what we should do". This a.m. a friend calls, says she is going to bring me lunch because I am still not over this yuck, she pulls up with bags and bags full of groceries, even easy meals so I won't have to really do anything but throw it in the oven!

So here is the moral of this story....................START ASKING GOD FOR WHAT YOU NEED AND WHAT YOU WANT! What a monumental idea! And when you talk to me and I am worry and whining about something, remind me of this post and tell ME to just ask Him for what I need! If He sees fit, then by golly, He will provide! Ok, love you guys like CRAZY!


Friday, November 27, 2009

It's all what you make of it.............

Life, that is! This a.m. as I have officially blown my nose 400 times since my eyes awoke at 4:00 a.m. and most certainly not for any Christmas sales. My eyes opened because my poor body gets so incredibly congested when I am lying down that eventually it just says enough is enough and I have to start the regiment of tissues, coffee, medicine, hot shower, the works. These past few days (well years really) I have been fighting the oh not so glorious pity party. Cross has been sick since Friday, mine came along maybe Monday and Jeremy's has been slowly sneaking in as well. Yesterday as my father-in-law cooked up the best Thanksgiving Dinner this side of the Mississippi, I hid in the corner tying not to sneeze on anyone and J sat trying not to pass out while we all awaited the meds to kick in and the turkey to be served! To join in my proof of not so "ideal" Thanksgivings, I have a dear friend who has been sitting just a few short miles away in the hospital with her daughter who has pneumonia and then I have Shawnna who is several miles away suffering with chemo sores in her throat that are preventing her from calling and I am certain preventing her from a good Thanksgiving cheer! So, with all my tissues close in tact, I am hearing my sweet mother's advice ringing through my ear, "it most certainly could be worse". And Amen to that one for sure.

So today, now that I am finally able to hear out of both ears and have downed enough breakfast to pop some more pills, I am heading out to make this day one that would resemble a child saved by grace rather than defeated by circumstances. Even if it takes me 5 hours I am going to attempt to disinfect this house and get it Christmas decor ready. I am going to go grab up my sweet baby who is stirring in the back ground and attempt to take him somewhere fun........

Sorry, that stirring turned into screaming, which turned into a fit over having to have a poopy diaper changed, which turned into another fit because he wanted creamer for breakfast instead of milk and then finally the routine needed to make it to where he could breath because evidently he is not as well as I had thought. Ok, where was I?

Oh yeh, it's all what you make of it! PERFECT TIMING for the reminder!

So readers, I am certain many of you may not be having the most "perfect" Thanksgiving or even life for that matter. But let's do our best today, by God's great grace, to make this weekend filled way more with joy than with regrets. 1 Peter 4:12 says "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ." I guess the true quest is to stop being so surprised that life just isn't ever (on earth) going to be perfect. One last quote before I leave you to attempt to snuggle on one grumpy toddler and make my husbands lunch and get him off to work.

"Nothing whatever pertaining to godliness and real holiness can be accomplished without grace!" A big Amen to that Jesus! Please fill us with your grace this day, to make the best of this thing we call LIFE!


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Hello blog friends! The Bullock Crew is a bit under the weather but hanging in there! God has been so good to us these past few weeks. He has been so faithful to encourage our hearts and to give us glimmers of His work in our lives. I have actually been in awe this week of His great patience and mercy to see us not only through this season, but the fact that He saw us to this season truly amazes me. While parenting Cross through the "terrible twos", I have often felt so overwhelmed at the amount of work, determination, and perseverance it takes to raise a child. I am not usually a long term committer. I like start ups, events, short seasons of work, where I can see things tied nicely in a bow sooner rather than later. Then, I personally, like to move on to something else. As you can imagine, that side of my personality has had a difficult time with this reality that things like manners, respect, patience, and the million other character traits I desire for Cross are going to be a life long endeavor. I am seeing more and more at how good God is to make this same long term commitment with His children. Obviously salvation is the greatest gift on earth, but I am seeing more and more that sanctification is a close second. Not giving us what we want, when we want it, takes more work, take more effort and takes way more time. I often say to Cross, please just do what I asked you to do (because selfishly, in the back of my mind, I don't even have the energy to march his little booty in the bedroom and shepherd his behind). That's why we as moms (or mainly I) give in, why we are lazy sometimes and don't do what is best, because we are exhausted, worn out, and without the patience to do the hard work to see our children through. But not God, He is gracious and without frustration or exhaustion, He parents His children with perfection!

So this Thanksgiving, oddly enough, that really is what I am thankful for. 2009 may have been one of the most difficult seasons so far in my walk with Jesus, but I am certain, it will bare the most fruit when this journey is said and done. Thank you Jesus that despite my pleas, You are sticking this one out, working all of this for good, all the while preparing an awesome place for us to journey at the end. I love you guys and I really do thank my God every time I think of you! Let's be odd to the world this year, let's really be thankful and not just for the turkey!

Because of Him,

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Journey...............................

Happy Tuesday, (now Wednesday and almost Thursday) everyone! Sometimes I laugh when I think about how this blog is just really a journey of what God is teaching me in my own private (and very often disfunctional) thought life. However, I have to believe that it is still worth sharing,

a. because I can't be the only person on earth struggling with some of this stuff and
b. because the Holy Spirit is the One who is teaching me and He is SO GOOD!

So, without further adu (how on earth do you spell that?), let me take you a little further on my journey. I shared with you on the last post about how God was showing me two gaping sins in my life. One of idolotry and the other a lack of contentment. I ended the post with a statement that has haunted me (that's why I used it, accountablity is always a good thing). Now that the scales have fallen off and I have full awareness of that sin; I must attack it! So I thought now was a good time to share a "thus far" post to let you know how, in God's great grace, things are changing. I have even been taking notes as He reveals things to me just to share with you!

One more huge clarification, it is good to be working on sins that don't involve horrific and shameful details, but know those battles have been faught and they were won with this same strategy. So either way, this will hopefully be a blessing to any season you are in! Also I am seeing more and more that the intial reality of sin is painful, but once you curve the other way, the journey actually becomes a great blessing!

Step one: God told me not to meditate on what it is that I am coveting (feeling entitled to, making an idol or not being content without,how ever the heck you want to word it). So for me personally, during this season, that is mainly a house. And even just to clarify, it isn't a big fancy house that I am wanting, it is more along the lines of a house of my own with cute paint and my fun towels. I am pretty sure I had cute bathroom towels somewhere, once upon a time, oh shoot, refocus! One of Jeremy and I's most favorite past times is "house shopping" online. Obviously, we are not in the market for a house right now so although NO ONE would say that it was a sin for us to dream and look, FOR ME PERSONALLY, God is just showing me during this season, that is something I need to cut out. Staring often at your idol is never a good thing. So I have deleted the favorites and made it several days now and what da you's helping!
Ok, so you fill in your blank here. I need to stop obsessing over ________________!

Step Two: Looking up scripture, listening to sermons, reading books (whatever), just meditating on what God says about the topic where I am struggling (the opposite of Step 1). God brought me back to a sermon that I had actually heard before, but this time He politely told me to dive in, take notes, and really DO what the man says! (a novel idea, I know). So for me, that was the sermon below and I will spare you the million notes that I took as fast as my little hand could write. I will only give you one quick quote.
"Don't tell me what you believe, show me how you live!" DANG
By all means, send me your struggle and I will have a book (or a hundred) and an equal number of sermons to occompany!

Step Three: Take it one situation at a time. For me, a day at a time is personally a bit overwhelming. God reminded me to break it down to a sitation at a time. Like my huge desire to be a submissive (not naggy) wife is overwhelming, but if I just partner with the Holy Spirit and keep my mouth shut when He says and other useful tips, I feel like the sin can be tackled. For this problem specifically, I am not worrying about all the logistics of Cross' 2nd Birthday being just so so. I am resisting looking at houses as I said, I am getting excited about Christmas for the REAL reason it is celebrated. You get the point!
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you each and every time you are being tempted and have the opportunity to do the right or the wrong thing!

And finally (for now), Step Four: (and avoid the corny rhyme) remember we are at war! I was talking with a dear friend the other day about how we so often forget that satan really is waging a war against us and so often we fight like big sissies! God is telling me to memorize some scripture and when this sin tries to raise it's ugly head I need to smash it with the Word. For me that is

1 Tim 6:6-8 Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing we will be content with that!


Phil 3:7-8 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

What would be two for you, for your specific battle with sin?

I am going to leave you with a reality the Lord gave me about personal revival:
"Even on earth and after Jesus, God still refuses to bless fully in the midst of sin!"


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Sooner rather than later...............

Wow, I am back on and although in reality it may take me a week to finish this post, I am going to go ahead and give it a shot! life............well, to be honest, for certain a mess, for certain a season of searching, and for finally, I think some major break throughs have appeared. Let me start this post with saying that although I know my tendency is always to shoot for perfection WHICH on this side of Heaven is absolutely impossible, recently I am just trying to shoot for peace. I think that is 1/2 of the revelation in itself. Also, hear me say that although I feel like I am on the verge of this break through, I feel like a jillion ounces (well gallons really) of prayers are needed for me to actually take this head knowledge all the way to my heart and have it lived out in my everyday life. So please know, not one prayer on me will be wasted. I feel selfish even asking or saying that but hey, I'm desperate here so I am humbling and asking all the same.

Let's start with my reality: For the past several years I can say with all honesty that Jeremy and I really have been attempting to follow Jesus with all of our hearts. We have tried to obey completely, without doubts, fears, or even delays. And let me share the other portion of that life, I have assumed all along that because we did that, we would be prospering and rolling in blessings by now. I'm just being honest here, probably wouldn't have said that out loud, but that was in my heart for certain.

Also, let me say that I know in reality, a marriage that really loves and a baby boy that is as healthy as a mule ARE total blessings, but at the same time in my present reality I cannot totally ignore losing a baby this year, not having a stable income that met even our most basic bills for 3 years now AND the ache in my heart to bring baby Chapel into this world and knowing that my husband will not even discuss the possibility until financial security is in place. NOT counting the fact that one of my life long desires has been to be a mommy yet over these past 2 years I feel like I have been drug to a new land and I am not yet flourishing! Most days feel like survival way more than thriving.

So.............with all that, here is where my battle comes in:
Head Knowledge: Kelly, those things that you are looking towards AREN'T going to make you happy!
Reality: Well, then when the heck am I ever going to be happy?
Big wake up call to say the least! Paired with the horrible reality that I have never ever wanted to be Susie Unhappy Christian that most certainly turns others away from CHRIST yet that is exactly what I am. SO, what is a girl to do?

Well, let me tell you what God has given me the grace to do, cling to Him, not turn to sin, while He took the time to show me how to figure it all out!

So, the conclusion, the break through is this...........IDOLS, I have em, big ones! And contentment, I have none or at least very little! One of my idols is a house, one is a job with 2.5 kids and a cute little yorkie dog, oh, and did I mention a fenced in back yard and a world wide ministry, a little girl with red hair, a little boy who doesn't throw fits in the Wal-Mart parking lot, geeeeze, didn't even realize just how bad it was until I started making this list. All "good" things just for the record but NO DIFFERENT just regarding the peace. Also, my lack of contentment, if I keep thinking right around the corner, right around the corner life is going to get good, well guess what, it's NOT!

That's where the kicker is, right around the corner is the same Jesus, the same personal relationship He desires, the same peace He wishes to give, and the same focus I am supposed to have! HOWEVER, if I choose to ignore it right around the corner it will do me no more good than it is doing me this very day!

And the worst stinkin part of all of this is I KNOW THIS INFO! I know Paul's verses. I know, know, know, I just don't feel, feel, feel!

So for me, an attack on idols and contentment is at hand. I really would like to live more days in victory with my sweet Jesus than snuggled up with the devil in a stupid ol pity party! So, obviously pray for me! Pray that my life will not be ruled by circumstantial happiness, but by a true and authentic love for my Jesus and a desire to do His will and serve His people!

Signing off, sorry for the book, love you guys lots!

In all my spare time...........................

Ok, so I NEED to be doing about 1,000 other things right now, but I just had to get on and say hello! For those of you in blog land who have been following baby Stellan's great miracle, can we give a big shout out to our awesome God for about 6,000 miracles this week! Thank you Jesus! (and leave me alone about my !!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus and exclamation points are a must in the same sentence, hahhahah) If you have no clue what the heck I am talking about I will put the link below for you to see his sweet no SVT face! Secondly, I wanted to share an awesome sermon series that I have been watching this week that is for sure rocking my world. As I have shared lots in recent posts, the Lord has taken me on such a journey these past few years, seeking out the Scriptures on the Holy Spirit, making me ask questions that seem actually to be way more popular than I had thought like, "why the heck is He never mentioned" and "why do we say the Bible is all truth yet vast parts of it seem to be totally ignored". Well, a pastor that we subscribed to on itunes just started a series a few weeks back on the Holy Spirit called "The Ghost" and it is for sure a must see. So, I will leave that link below as well. And last but certainly not least, I am experiencing some break throughs, some real heart change, head knowledge catching up with heart knowledge and I can't wait to sit and share, but for now, those 1,000 things calling me to go be productive are winning out so I must refrain, but hopefully soon! Love you guys to death! Hope you are having an AWESOME Thursday!

Because of Him!

No time to proof so ignore all errors, always! And run-on sentences, I am shooting for the queen!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Just checking in..............................

Hello everyone, just wanted to say a quick good afternoon. I am certain Cross will be waking from his nap any second, but I wanted to try to sneak in a chance to catch up! For those of you who I talk with often, you already know that this has been a hard week, but God has for sure seen us through. It is so romantic how you try to run, even from Him, yet He goes in search for you and draws you back, draws you near, draws you in! That has happened this week and as of yesterday afternoon, I returned, resting in His huge arms, trusting in the total life of unknown with an invisible, yet extremely trustworthy promise in hand, His plans are to bless us regardless of how it may appear. Let me go through and give you just a few quotes that have pulled me from the depths this week. One day I even got two text messages before 8:00 a.m., just proof of how many awesome friends He has blessed me with and how He was up early, laying it on people's hearts to pray me through.

"We tend to look at God's blessings only through the physical. We forget that even in times of great trials, the stripping, the refining, may be our greatest blessings in life."

"Happiness is a symptom of circumstance. Joy is a product of perspective. God is good. I will be grateful." This quote is from Steven Furtick's new series on Joy!

"We cant' forget that the people in the Bible were EXAMPLES for us and all of them went through suffering, times of unknowns, and seasons of great pain and injustice."

This list could go on and on, but I just had to share a few. So....... wherever you are, whatever you are going through, my prayer for you today is that you too will turn back to God, that you too will trust Him even when there is literally no visable hope in sight, and that you too will see the blessings amidst the pain. I love you guys, happy weekend, thank you for being a friend!

Because of Him,

Oh and P.S. If your last post says "Starbucks" or "Best Buddies" or "A New Record" or "Guess Who" may I remind you that it is high time for a new post! You are long overdue!!!!!!!! Hahahhahahha

Monday, November 2, 2009

May my soul rest assured in You!

This song, "Fire Fall Down" by Hillsong has been a great theme song in my life over the past two months. Almost every lyric is literally my heart's cry when words cannot seem to be found. You can even do a search in and hear it for yourself, but prepare, you may need to repeat about a thousand times as I did and am even having to do today! Just had to share in case someone else needed desperately for their soul to rest assured in HIM! Love you guys!


You bought my life with the
Blood that You shed on the cross
When You died for the sins of men
And You let out a cry
Crucified now alive in me

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I'll reach out desperate to see
All the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same

Cause I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy Name
Jesus Christ

You changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In You I'm blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of You

Your fire fall down
Fall down
On us we pray
As we seek

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's a new day.....................

Oh baby it's a new day! THANK GOODNESS! The crazy lady from yesterday has exited and the woman who would like to attempt to try taking on the world is back, at least as of 2:22 pm on Thursday. I can't make any promises for how the rest of the day will unfold. Two things I must share, and I am sure a few others will come. Number One, it is a bad sign when your hubs asks if it is (you know) "that time of the month", and you pray that it is because that would give you an excuse and then you look at the calendar and realize, darn it, not even close. Number Two would be that I think for some unknown to me reason, satan just totally gave me a run for my money for 24 whole hours yesterday. When I went to Bible Study last night I felt like it finally broke, but I was a bit "off" (again the G rated version) for a day or 2 this week. I don't think we should overlook those times of spiritual warfare, I think we should pray God gives us the grace to fight and then party like rock stars when they have passed.

So today is a new day and thank you so much to my dear sister in Christ who said that sometimes the terrible twos come early. Bless your soul for reminding me that this stage isn't named that just to have a little jingle. Also, thank you to anyone who prayed for me to not have a total mental breakdown. So far it has worked.

So with that said, I'd like to leave you guys with a few quotes. One was a text I received last night that said "we have GOT to talk tomorrow, can't wait to tell you what God did tonight. I just love so much being right in the middle of His will." I could almost feel her desire to jump out of her seat and scream to the world and guess what, this gal isn't in the middle of the perfect little life, with all going well, and the cars and house to boot, NO, this girl JUST FINISHED HER TREATMENTS FOR BREAST CANCER! Wow! Was that a bit of a reminder about how good our God is or what? Finally, in my Bible Study that I had this a.m. I read this line that made me want to shout a good amen so I just had to share with all of you! Know that I love you guys like crazy!!!!!!!!!!

"Taking God at His word isn't popular. With a growing disrespect for the Scriptures and a swelling disregard for hearing God's voice, few people celebrate a desire to adopt a radical lifestyle faith!

Oh friends, how I pray that you and I stick with radical and THROW caution to the wind!

Love ya lots!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

How I "feel" about Parenting!

Please know on the front end that I am fully aware that the word FEEL in this post title as well as in this situation is the basic problem of it all. BUT here me say, I am having a hard time shaking these FEELINGS so if anyone has any advice, by all means, share away! Jeremy brought home an awesome book on families and we have been reading it together at night and it has convicted me. It talks about how as a society we don't look at children as a gift from God any more, but as an annoyance. Well, many days, that mind set is so true for me personally. I swing from one ball of hormones with the motherly instinct of an animal, wanting another baby to fill our home, loving the pitter patter of baby feet. Then I go to the other end of the spectrum which is a mom who wants to scream at the top of her lungs, "for the love of God, DON'T do it". That may sound a bit extreme, but I can promise you for me personally, that last statement is a bit mild. I am giving you the rated G version of my thought life.

Take right now for instance, last week we didn't have school, so mom lagged on the nap schedule, well this week we are back in school and we either have a kid screaming in the crib that won't take a nap or a kid who is up yet pitching a fit about EVERYTHING! Now, let me give you the opposite glimmer, this a.m. when I was getting ready, I peeked into the living room and saw Cross smirk and when he knew that the hair dryer was going off and I was coming in for the chase, he dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks to "hide" from me and I was so in love I didn't think I could contain myself. Yesterday, as he pitched some God awful fits in the middle of public and the road, I wanted to just curl in a ball and cry when thinking of all the work ahead, yet at 2 a.m. when he was sneezing a bit and I went to check on him and saw him attempting to cover his little nose as he sneezed, I wanted to jump feet first in the crib with him and cuddle up for the night! So, with all of this said, I FEEL SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A MOM TODAY! And then I feel like the scum of the earth for saying that when their are dear friends in my life that would kill to have this same problem! I am just trying to be honest here! I am putting some fun pics of Cross to remind me that I really am madly in love with him and that when I slack I pay so I need to buck up and do a better job while still realizing that he is just that, a kid! Love you guys and thanks for allowing the rant!

Feelings cannot be trusted!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Finale.............................

Well it's Friday afternoon and Cross is taking his late afternoon nap. Since we started preschool we have to take another nap to get us through the day. They only sleep for 1 1/2 hours at school which isn't nearly long enough for my little guy. I now know this is a common dilemma for parents, but it never really crossed my mind until day one of school when Cross was a disaster by 5:00. Our new routine is working even with my OCD tendencies and resisting of change. I am seeing it is a TOTAL blessing because I can now get supper prepared in peace which is worth more to me than the longer naps we were used to!

So.............that was all a random side note to what I was signing on to say! I wanted to share the glorious victory, the Friday Finale, to making it through another week of life. Some days (well really most days) I feel like that is such a win, such a blessing, to get through another week without drinking beer, without giving up on life, without being super rude to anyone (at least not intentionally or knowingly), without running away from home, without turning my back on God, and without killing my husband OR my child, or both! :) No offense sweety!

I was reading recently about how life is a marathon and not a sprint, about how Paul says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2. I can't help but focus in on the "who for the joy set before him ENDURED". Some moments of life are just naturally a blessing and other moments must be endured. They must be the hills in the marathon, the last few miles, or the wall you hit 1/2 way through. Some moments aren't peaches and cream and in those moments, God is so proud when we don't give up, give in, or give out! When we fix our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfecter of our faith.

So for me, the third week of October is down, almost at least. The 4th week will come soon, and our circumstances regarding a job have no earthy hope in sight. BUT the great news is, our Father has promised He is working all things for good (Rom 8:28), He has provided for ALL of our needs (Phil 4:19), and He is doing a new thing which He personally told me to behold (Ish 43:18). So, with that said, I pray that your Friday Finale is a good one as well. Sure you may have slowed down to a crawl in your race this week, sure you may have needed a few extra water stops, and sure blisters may be forming, but lets don't quit the race. Let's look so forward to the joy that is set before us that these problems of life seem like light and momentary troubles (2 Cor 4:17). Let's make sure we stomp satan again next week and tell him to shut it for ALL the lies: past, present and future. Let's encourage a fellow Christian or a family member who has fallin off the wagon. Let's give our marriages 100% and let go of the ol' 50/50. Let's love our babies in spite of our million and one mistakes. Let's pray this weekend that God will reveal Himself to us on Sunday morning like never before. Let's finish this thing called life well; let's finish 2009 with a bang. Let's live to see the fullness of the Lord revealed in us. Let's attempt to be an exception to the rule instead of a statistic! Let's copy-cat Jesus and endure, even to the cross, because there are a great cloud of witnesses at stake!

Ok, love you guys like crazy! Have awesome weekends!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

One liners....................

I have been wanting to say hello for several days but can't seem to make it happen! SO, with Cross down for a nappy, I am going to attempt to share some kind of "one liners" that God is using or has used over the past couple of weeks to change my life! I mean change my life literally because I feel like I am finally beginning to come out of the funk that this season of wilderness living has tried to sink me in! Thank you Jesus for your encouragement, for your gentle whisper, for the perfect books and people to encourage me! You are so personal, so Holy, so full of love! To YOU be all the glory forever and ever, AMEN!

"I am smokin, what I am sellin!" From a pastor's blog and it made me think, wrestle, cry, and repent!

"So I'll be doin what is right despite incarceration" From "The Ballad of Little Joe" Veggie Tales are changing my life. Who knows if Cross is getting encouraged, but I certainly am. If Little Joe can praise God and remain faithful in a HUGE storm of life, so can I!

"Despite their personal shortcomings and past mistakes, every Hebrew was extended the same opportunity: obey God and reap the rewards." This is from my Bible Study "One in a Million" by Priscilla Shirer. This study has been such perfect timing it is not even funny. My jaw has dropped often as I have read the pages and pondered my current circumstances. I have only done a few things right in life, but one has been to attempt to always ask the Holy Spirit to show me what Bible Study to do next! There are so many "good" things out there, but I want Him to show me what is BEST for me, in my season, with my sins, for my future calling! Here are a few more from that study:

"Lack of faith stops the believer's journey with God at the edge of the promised land."

"I become (or for me, had become) more focused on the journey than on the One who called me to it."

Now this segment is from the Bible Study I am about to start and I don't know that I have ever been more excited in my life after reading an intro to a study! "Seeking Him" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom (google it, get it) It is on the topic of personal revival, HOW timely!

First paragraph in the intro:
"Are you tired of trying to be a good Christian? Are you overloaded and worn out with church activities? Do you sometimes feel as if you're just going through the motions of the Christian life? Do you often find yourself running on empty spiritually? Do you experience heaviness or shame more than joy and freedom in your Christian life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then perhaps God is calling you to something deeper. Maybe you're ready to experience personal revival!"

WOW! I will refrain from quoting the entire intro, but I am pumped all the same!

"A faith that leaves us unprepared for suffering is a false faith that deserves to be lost." "If God is Good" by Randy Alcorn This is a book I have just begun and it may take me a year to finish it, but it is awesome so far. It says that "Suffering will come; we owe it to God, ourselves, and those around us to prepare for it." WOW again!

Ok, last but MOST certainly not least, the Lord gave me a word the other day for our future and I thought it may be a great encouragement for us all!

Ish 43:18&19 "Behold I do a new thing! Now it springs up! Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland!"

I cannot tell you how thrilled I will be to behold a new thing! Thank you Jesus!

Love you guys!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pumpkin Mania Con't.................................

So, Pumpkin Mania Has Continued! Now instead of calling a pumpkin, a ball, he calls it a "Bi-Boo", it is SOOOOOOO cute! It kinda sounds like "Bible" which made me a little sad that we have no clue what that word is but we are focused in on a pumpkin. BUT I will try to refrain my legalism and be certain that we will in fact show him Jesus. His sweet little words today are making my heart smile instead of my brain panic. It is so cute when they say words weird, so darn cute!

This is our first pumpkin carving as a family and with J and I being the two most creatively/artistically challenged humans on earth I thought it turned out quiet well. We both laughed when it came to the carving time, we looked at each other like "what on earth are we supposed to do". Obviously, we figured it out and Cross smiles and tells it "hi" every time he walks by the front door. Today I turned it towards the door instead of towards the road. This bi-boo is for him anyways! Another funny moment was when Cross, the not so neatest kid on earth, would have no part in touching the yucky pumpkin guts. He turned into Mr. Neatfreak, what odd timing!

C has actually been sick for the past few days, thankfully it is NOT the flu, but we have still been home bound so far this week. This is random and off subject, but I feel like I am getting more and more in the groove of being a mommy everyday. Not to say that I don't have horrible moments (you can most certainly have J confirm those) but I am at least enjoying this calling more often than feeling lost and defeated! It is for sure the largest transition of my life, greatest gift, largest transition! Well, you guys have a great rest of the week! Thanks so much for sharing life with us!

The Bullocks and Mr. Bi-Boo

Oh and P.S. The Hope Pregnancy Center's Banquet ROCKED! Thank you so much for all of your prayers! I love nothing more than kicking satan in the B-O-O-T-Y!!!!!!!!! If God is calling you to do something BIG, SCARY, or HARD, press on sweet sister, it is so worth it in the end! So worth seeing Jesus lifted HIGH and something else getting a good taste of his own medicine!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Pumpkin Mania.................................

Ok, so this year we are joining in all the fun that families get to participate in once you have children. Cross is just now at the age to really enjoy all these neat events so today we joined the other parents in the surrounding area and headed out to a pumpkin patch! Cross calls pumpkins (and anything else that is round), balls! He was so cute. He loves pumpkins UNLESS there is something near that resembles a tractor, train, truck or lawn mower, so the pumpkins quickly took 2nd place. I smiled from ear to ear watching him run and play. It was so nice to be able to let him run free (for the most part at least). He is all boy and today our sweet family being able to play together made all of life absolutely perfect. I felt so blessed, so honored, so humbled and so focused on what really matters! I want to build a life of memories for this little guy. I want to be a fun family that is madly in love with Jesus, not a family with a million rules. I want Cross to grow up with so many fewer obstacles to his faith than I did. I am excited today about our future. I am in awe of where we are in spite of our past. But most of all, I am madly in love with the Savior that is making it all possible. That cross that He died on is the one and only reason I can smile and experience total peace, and for that, I am eternally grateful! I love you guys! I hope your weekend was blessed, that your week goes well, and that you are in awe of the Savior that wiped our slates clean so that blessing could be written!


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hope Pregnancy Center!

Hey everyone one, I wanted to send out a prayer request and an invite to this year's Hope Pregnancy Center's Fundraising Banquet. It is tonight and tomorrow night and I have some space available at my table tomorrow night (Friday). So, if you don't have plans, (and live in convenient driving distance) please email me and we'll get your name on the list. It will be an awesome night hearing about all the miracles God is doing in this town through the Center. I also wanted to ask you guys to be in prayer for the banquet. There are many awesome transitions going on at the Center and I am praying that we raise a ton of funds to bless the new and existing staff to be able to dream BIG! There is nothing more frustrating than God giving you a big vision to help people, but not having the resources to make it happen. So please, come join my hubby and I tomorrow night if possible, but for sure keep the Center in your prayers!

Love you guys!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Idols, no thank you......................

Hello everyone! I am writing from my oh so glorious home on a stormy Tuesday. I rarely do these days well, but today is an at home day that so far is going great! I have been cleaning and cooking, actually my favorite mommy jobs when they don't get shoved down the priority list! Cross is now napping! I am blogging! What more could a girl want out of life?? Well...................THAT honestly is what seems to be the problem. God spoke to me today and said, "Kelly, everything that you are discontent about or that you think would make you happy is actually an idol." WOW! Whether it is a job or financial security, a cute house or even a few extra clothes, that feeling, that huffy, puffy, eight year old kind of feeling, can usually always be linked back to an idol. Me thinking that "thing", whatever it is, will really make me happy. You see today, I can make a choice to spend time with God, to rest in His presence, to relax and read His Word and to be encouraged OR I can focus on the "I wants, I deserves, or the I should haves". The sad truth is, none of those things I desire will even bring happiness, at least not happiness that will last longer than a day or so!

Last Tuesday I had a Jesus day and honestly, as far back as I can remember, that day ranked up there with like wedding and baby day. It was an ordinary day, I drove to see Shawnna, I had downloaded a sermon series that made God super dooper big and I had the windows down, desiring to feel His presence like never before. And WHAT DO YA KNOW, it was a great day! One that did not include a job, the green late for another baby, my dream home or even Cross minding his manners, it just included Jesus. So I am logging off and trying again, trying to seek Him, spend time with Him, be filled UP by Him and let Him be my true source of joy! As for Kelly Bullock, and as for today, thank you, they don't work anyways!


Monday, September 28, 2009

Good Mommy, Ranch Dressing, and Happy Birthday Daddy!

So, these topics really have nothing in common, but that is our life really! Today my incredibly handsome husband is having a birthday so we wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday with some adorable photos of his clone. Also, I rarely feel this way, but when I was letting Cross run through those puddles at the glorious Coy Lacy Park, I knew I was being a good momma. I was lettin the boy be a boy and not worrying about the mess! Thank you Jesus! Finally, just for laughs and to totally make fun of myself. At snack I gave Cross some leftover fries and chicken from our Chick fil a treat and I put some ranch dressing on the plate to kind of spice it up a bit (just for the record I swore I was never going to create a dipper, but daddy's sometimes trump you and then you realize it really works great and throw all of your "I would nevers" out the door, this happened too with the passy now that I recollect). Ok, sorry for the rabbit trail! So, in an effort to help Cross learn a few words I am trying to "name" everything so I said, "look Cross, that is rANch". I really wish I would of had a recorder, because every ounce of redneck that is in me was revealed in that very moment. I want you to try to say it for yourself, just to get a good laugh.........rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnch! try it again! raaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnch! Yes, despite my attempts, I still sound like I am from the mountains of Tennessee, which isn't a bad place to be! Ok, love you guys! Hope you enjoyed the photos and Daddy, Happy Birthday and thanks so much for the good genes!


Friday, September 25, 2009

Have you ever heard a such?

Hello everyone! I really have nothing to write about (that in itself could make the post title valid) but I wanted to say hello and that just sounded like a catchy title! I was inspired to write as I was surfing some blogs by some friends who have not felt the need to update in forever (HINT HINT). I most certainly did not want to be at fault of the same crime so I figured I would say hello so that all of my friends would have a brand new post to catch up on the Bullock Crew! I am also thrilled to have a group picture from Gatlinburg to show off this year's crew! Have you ever seen a more beautiful group of women? I think NOT! My heart smiles when I see this picture because I know most of their stories, most of their babies (at least by name) and most of their desires and I promise at the top of every single one of their lists' is Jesus! He is the apple of their eye and it is cool that they (we) too are the apple of His! How amazing is that? As I have started this post I have thought of several good things to share so I will list it again if you don't mind. You guys have a wonderful weekend! Love on your hubbies if you have one, pray for one if you don't and spend some qt with Jesus this weekend! He wants a date with you so bad He can hardly stand it! By all means, don't stand Him up!

1. A friend of mine told her daughter this at the park yesterday: This gets mom of the year award along with convict the fire out of Kelly award!
Mom: "Kylie, why do we share?"
Daughter: "Because God wants us to share."
Mom: "Your right baby and remember everything is God's, it is not ours so of course we share with our friends!"
Alrighty.....................may need to remember that one personally!

2. I am rereading "For Women Only" in our small group and I read this portion yesterday! This whole book rocks if you haven't read it! It is a love/hate book for sure! You will love its wisdom, but hate it when the rubber meets the road and you actually have to move on to application! So ladies if you have a husband, go buy this book and let's put being Christian wives at the top of our list along with Christian women! TALKING TO MYSELF TODAY, TRUST ME, JUST ASK MY HUBS, BEEN A LITTLE NAGGY THIS WEEK!

"I wish that my wife understood that making a priority of meeting my intimacy needs is the loudest and clearest way she can say, "You are more important to me than anything else in the world." It is a form of communication that speaks more forcefully, with less room for misinterpretation, than any other."

Alrighty then again!

3. I want to move on with life; I am working lots on being patient and content! Your selfishness shines like the sun when you aren't getting your way. That is for certain! YUCK!

4. And that does it, back to the real world, love you guys!


P.S. It was brought to my attention this week that I may have a slight problem with the overuse of !!!!!!!!!!!! so know that I am working on that problem! Please don't start counting! hahahhahhaha

Monday, September 21, 2009

Good Morning Blog World............

Thank you Hunter for the trains!

Our next favorite, the tractor!

This is our frist day of school and yes I totally cried!

Cross with a friend of his, how cute can you get?

We are still wondering if he is J's...............NOT

I feel so bad for not updating on life in general so that is for sure what this post will be! I also knew that if I didn't come bearing pictures that I may get deleted from bookmarks and favorites so in hopes that you will continue to come back for more I am gave you several great photos for your viewing pleasure! I am going to list again as that seems to be the only way my poor brain will function these days! Shawnna can say it faster than I can get it out of my mouth, the answer to all of life's problems, Jesus first, then make a list! So here goes.............

1. Cross, the cutest darn kid on planet earth! I have been blessed with a season of more wanting to kiss his cheeks clear off of his face that wanting to rip them off (PRAISE THE LORD)! An awesome mom told me recently that the hard labor of establishing who is boss has much fruit to bear and I feel like we are seeing that for sure! DON'T hear me for one second saying that I think we are in the clear as I know we have about 16+ years to go in that department. There was just a time when I was wondering if his heart was ever going to get shepherded and now when he does obey (especially in public, thank you Jesus for those rare occasions) it makes me feel like the hard work at home, the work no one sees or gives you a raise or a promotion for, really is paying off! He is for sure full throttle boy and I for sure wouldn't have it any other way! I know I have a great amount of wisdom gapage in raising children so I have been praying lately for the Lord to empower me to raise up a mighty MAN of God! I had to take a moment to capture the snapshots of Cross running anything with wheels along the couches! That is where you can find him most days and it thrills my soul! Most days previously you could find him in the toilet or sneaking into something he knew was a NO NO, but the moments where he is quiet and just playing, ah the joy! Words on the other hand, well keep praying that the mommy saying "one day it will just click and they will talk, talk, talk" is true. You would THINK he would get some of that a little more naturally from yours truly???

2. Snick, well, sweet Snick has no clue that she is supposed to be a prissy lap dog, instead she is a vicious hunter who looks for any escape route out the door to chase whatever the heck is hidden in the woods next to our house. She some how managed to talk Cross into letting her out the other day, but thankfully that time my mommy radar ears kicked in and they were both busted! She came in the other day completely covered in mud, the kind where she not only had to have a bath right away, but a two shampoo bath. Ok, sorry, if you aren't an animal lover, I promise, there are really friends out there who do care about these details, and yes, we know we are weird!

3. J, my super sweet husband won me over for life the other night on a hot date to WalMart when he bought me a vacuum to do the hardwood and tile in our house. I am sure he was shocked at my response. He probably thought, who knew diamonds were not needed, this gal is for sure a cheap date! God is using him lots, I will leave it at that, he is for sure ready for the next season, but God is using him in a mighty way here and now so I personally am a super proud wife to say the least!

4. Me..........well, God is rocking my world, that is for certain! I am going to make a list within a list to show you what He is teaching me, I'll limit it to 4 so you can actually get on with life!
a. He doesn't want me to get it all together! WEW, thank goodness! The other day I told Jeremy, "I just wish I could get it together, for even a month, I wish that I could not have a breakdown, a pitty party, a whining fest, or a sinful bought of wanting to kill someone for an entire month!" God spoke so clearly to my heart after that, He said, "Kelly, I don't want you to get it all together, I just want you to constantly turn to me." Oh thank goodness, I can't tell you how freeing that was to hear! The fact is I obviously can't get it all together and the thought that God knows that and isn't at all annoyed with my grabling for help just put a skip in my step! He actually wants that intimacy, that need for Him to constantly come to the rescue! Totally lighbulb for me!
b. Gatlinburg was awesome! Yes, life changing for sure! Thank you so much for your prayers. I saw such a miracle in the fact that I had peace, even up unto the moment that I taught! I wrote down one hundred notes from Christy's message on how to receive love from God, specifically intimate love, so that may have to be another post all together! I wished all of you could have heard her message, she is totally an anointed teacher to say the least! She shared out of how He had been romancing her personally. To sum it up in one line for now she said "Jesus would rather die than to be without you!" Every women in that room I think got the picture that we really are the princess in the love story and He really is the Prince!
c. Still, love, love, loving "Forgotten God", here is the one central theme God is showing me personally: learning how to walk in step with the Spirit! Such a freeing concept, not carrying a heavy burden, just walking through life with an awesome Friend. Francis said this "Because the fact is that if you were in step with the Holy Spirit, listening to and obeying Him, you wouldn't sin (Gal 5:16)". For me that means, if I stay close to the Holy Spirit, I won't eat too much, exercise too little, scream too much, love too little, spell or say cuss words too much, think of others too little! I don't have to keep a rule book I just have to take nudges from my best friend! I could write about a million other things on this subject but am refraining, again, another post, but this book is a must, did I already mention that?
d. Being Spirit led in scheduling your week is life changing. A week with God's anointing on it has about a million less frustrations than the alternative. I need to do a better job of this, when I do, I don't end up backing out of things, feeling overwhelmed, letting my house go to pot and wondering when on earth was the last time I actually played on the floor with my kid!

Ok, the sun is up now (yes I know I am weird), that is my hint! Love you guys to death!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Are you madly in love....................

That was the question posed to me a few short years ago by an almost total stranger at lunch! I had gone to lunch with a lady who I had only met "through a friend of a friend" and I met with her because I knew one simple truth, she was madly in love with Jesus. If there is one thing I have done right while walking with the Lord it has been making a point of spending time with women who were totally sold out and this lady was no different. I can't even remember what the "reason" for the lunch was at the time, but I know for me it was simply to be near a Jesus lady. Well, I can say for certain she caught me totally off guard with her question. Are you madly in love with your man? the time, deep down, the answer honestly was no. For those of you who know my husband, he is awesome, but like all women, I probably took him for granted, I knew ALL of his flaws and life was just so darn busy that the puppy love she was insinuating was very low on my priority list! That day as I sat at lunch and listened to a women share about the gift, better yet the choice, of being madly in love with your mate, I caught a vision that I pray never fades. I wanted what she was sharing and I wanted it at any cost. The cost was high and it has been several years, but I am thrilled today to share with you that I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH JEREMY! I don't have to pretend to be or talk myself into it, when I see that man I can hardly keep my hands off of him and if anyone on this earth tried to bad mouth him I would come as unglued as this 5'2" gal could and sucker punch them right in the nose.

So here is my question for you today...............Are you madly in love with your man? This concept came to my mind when I was talking on the phone to a dear friend who is almost old enough to be my momma. She is worried about her child and their marriage. I told her the only thing she could do was to go home and take good care of her own man! I could tell by her response that she too had bought into the lie that those "googly eyed" days were over! I could tell she KNEW her man's faults (probably almost 30 years of them) and I could tell she maybe just maybe had been guilty of taking her man for granted! I don't know why but I couldn't help but think that maybe some of you (like me) could be guilty of the same! Maybe your man doesn't pick up his underwear or isn't as chatty cathy as you wished he would be! Maybe he isn't "spiritual" enough, maybe his breath stinks or his lack of table manners have almost sent you over the edge! Maybe he watches WAY too much football or listens to way too little Christian music! Maybe just maybe your man was like my man and just wasn't perfect! Well ladies, I have news for you, there is a love relationship that you were designed to have with your spouse that you could be missing out on because you are unwilling to pay the high price it costs to get there! Humility and intentionality come with a price tag that took every amount of the Holy Spirit's power for me to pay! I got so excited thinking about how much better my friend's home would look is she would just go home and pinch her husband's butt (and a few other unmentionables), make him a dinner that would cause him to want to smack his momma and then rub his back while he watched the game! So many of us are so worried about our spouse's flaws that we forget our long laundry list of imperfections! We are too focused on their lack of romance to notice our lack of affection! We are too stubborn to go get our fairy tale ending, we want it served up on a silver platter as if we were the Queen of Egypt!

So yes I promise I will fill you in on Gatlinburg soon, but this message just seemed to have a Monday kind of urgency in my soul! I am so thankful for that random conversation I had with that sweet women that day! I honestly don't think I have seen her since, but God used her to change my marriage and to bless my life and I am so thankful He did! Our men need us to believe in them, to respect them unconditionally, heck, just to give them a break for not being perfect! Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what you need to do TONIGHT to start the pursuit of being madly in love with your man!

Still chasing

Single ladies who are reading, so sorry to spend a whole post on the marrieds, but let me tell ya, print this one out and trust me, if it is God's will for you to have a hubby, you will need it! What we dream of for so many years, we so quickly take for granted!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Good Morning Blog World............

It is a not so bright and shiny 4 a.m. and I am writing for prayer! In a few short hours a slew of us from all across the state (not counting our 2 Ohio friends) will be heading to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for our girls trip, the one I have mentioned several times in recent posts. I am unsure totally of why God has me up at 4 a.m. but I know He does and I am betting a large portion has to do with me praying and asking for your prayers for this entire trip! Saying that satan has and is putting up a full war zone in regards to this trip is nothing but a vast understatement. Almost every person that has committed to going has either backed out or been super tempted. For me personally, I have had to grip life by my teeth this week just to avoid insanity. I know God is going to do great miracles in our lives while we are there, but we are for certain having to fight tooth and nail just to make that step happen!

I also considered not sharing another detail with you guys because of a desire to not sound "braggy" but my heart is so far in the realm of desperation that I must have your prayers. I am teaching Saturday night, a session on Love at 8 p.m. and I have yet to feel like God has totally given me my message! So prayer warriors, as always, you are my number one pick! I need people interceding for me and I never, ever want to be too proud to ask! I received the sweetest email from a gal yesterday from what seems like a million miles away saying that she is a reader friend. You have no idea how God used that to rock my world. So if you are in "ear distance" of this blog and you would be willing to pray us up whether you and I have been the dearest of friends since the first grade of have never laid eyes on one another, please know that I am so very grateful for your friendship!

I am asking you to pray specifically for two things:
1. My message.
1 Corinthians 2:3-5
"I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."
That is my greatest desire, that God would give a great demonstration of the Spirit's power because I am for sure going in weakness and fear and with much trembling!
2. For the women coming, that they would get there! The verse that keeps coming to my mind is in Daniel when the angel was trying to get him, but had to first fight a war in the heavenlies. Man has there been a war this week and please pray that each person who is supposed to be there will be fought for and that the war will be won!
Daniel 10:12
"Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them."
Our group has prayed and fasted and tried to be faithful in asking for a great miracle! I pray that our words were heard!

Ok..............that does it, I feel better already! I love you guys to death! I will for sure send you a post next week totally bragging on all that God did and promise some pics as well! Have an awesome weekend wherever you are and a big GOD BLESS!


p.s. excuse typos, it is 4 a.m.
p.s.s. (how 5th grade, but it made me laugh) Here is a link about our group with a pic from last year if you want a visual for your prayers!
p.s.s.s. Christy is the other girl that will be teaching and I am CERTAIN she would covet your prayers as well! She is Saturday a.m.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

There has GOT to be more.............

That was the feeling deep embedded in my heart just a few short years ago. I couldn't explain to anyone how I felt, other than the fact that I felt as if there had to be more, more to this whole Jesus thing, more than anyone had articulated to me personally. I read the Scriptures and felt even more discouraged. It didn't seem to add up. Sure we don't walk through deserts in America or herd sheep, but God, He seemed different as well and Scriptures promised that wasn't the case. Then one day it happened, the Lord started to do a work (well, I guess really He continued because He put that stirring in me to begin with) in my life that I am praying will change me forever. He sent a man into my home, via the internet, named Francis Chan. I will never forget the first words to the message series Jeremy brought home to me, Francis said "I just keep feeling like there has GOT to be more." A pastor begging for more, I can't explain the excitement I had, it was like I had been raising my hand (secretly of course) for months asking the question and God had sent a teacher to give me the answer. I blogged about that sermon series then, Cross was a little guy, just a baby, and I am certain that my journey has just begun! Do you ever get that feeling, a disconnect between the Bible and today, just something in the depths of your soul that assures you that there must be more?

Well, as God would ordain it, I eventually got to hear Francis in person, continued to listen to his teachings online, even had the privilege of "watching" him begin his calling as an author. Then I heard him say these words in a message and I knew God had even bigger plans to rock my world, He said, "my second book will be coming out this fall, it is on the Holy Spirit". I am certain I almost did a cartwheel in the room where I sat listening. A whole entire book about the God I had so come to love. See all along that was what I had been asking for, curious about, reading about in Scriputre yet rarely hearing His name, The Forgotten God! That's the name of the book and that was the focus of that sermon series God plopped in my lap a year or so back, The Holy Spirit. Some of you may have been "raised" in a church where you were taught often on the Holy Spirit, the first lesson I received told me that He was nothing like the One mentioned in the Bible and that didn't sit well with me then (even as a brand new student of the Word) and it most certainly does not sit well with me now! I do want more, I do think there is a vast disconnect between the power accounted for in the Bible and the power we are experiencing today, but I don't think for one second that it is God who has changed. I think it is satan who has been very crafty to cause us to "simmer down" the greatest gift God gave to the post Jesus believers! We are so blessed to have the Holy Spirit yet many of us shun His name altogether! Many have abused Him most certainly, but by all means, let's don't let their unbiblical approach cause us to form another unbiblical approach to counteract it!

I finally got a copy of the book in my hands last night and I awoke more alive today than I have in months. So refreshed to be reminded HE LIVES INSIDE OF ME, HE WAS SENT TO COMFORT ME, HE HOLDS THE POWER TO USE ME TO CHANGE THIS WORLD FOR JESUS! Now that is for certain better than even the biggest and best cup of coffee Starbucks could offer! I love you guys and I want you to have more. No matter where you are in your walk, if you have been feeling the same stirring, go today and pick up a copy of the "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and ask God to please rock your world. This is a prayer He promises to say yes to, He wants you to know Him more, no worries that one could fail!

I would never (nor would he want me to I am certain) want you to think that I am putting Francis Chan on some kind of pedestal. He is simply a man seeking God, nothing bigger. I am just so thankful that the Holy Spirit has used him to personally encourage me in such a major way, so many miles away! I am thankful that he was brave enough to write this book, brave enough to admit that he does NOT know all the answers and brave enough to try to start a revival that will assure more will enter the Kingdom of Heaven by the One who holds the key!

Have a great day!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Grocery Store..................

Ok, so I didn't mean for their to be a mommy errand theme, but I think this could be fun! The Pediatricians Office and now the Grocery Store, how much more excitement could a girl ask for! Here is the adventure play by play!

Find a parking spot by the carts for easy Cross access! Dog-gone-it, forgot his diapers and sippy cup, must turn the cart around and go back to the car! Check

Went to Sango Walmart even though I live closer to exit 4's cause I was over there having lunch with J, shopped there for years when we lived here before. I put my list in "row" order, but figured I could wing it from being remodeled...............enough said! A ZOO before Labor Day! Check

Have a plan to go potty and change Cross when we walk in the door, giving myself a pep talk, "just get it done before you get started and it will be easier, don't rush". Bathroom being cleaned, be ready in 10 minutes............... Check (10 minutes is a life time with a kid in the cart, I can hold it, his diaper can hold his)

Run into one of my BFF's. The kind you could talk to for hours with lots of yummy coffee, yep, the kind you have already talked to on the phone 2 hours before yet you have to stand obnoxiously in the middle of an isle and catch up on what has progressed in the last 2 hours, now we are really behind, the list is long and Cross is barking loudly up and down the isle..........Check

Sweet Jesus, we have to hit it, Cross is melting, focus Kelly, focus on your list! Stop and get Cross chocolate milk (yes I opened the little blessed 50 cent bottle and put it in his sippy cup on site, no shame, this is practical) AND goldfish and we are set! CHECK

The total is adding up way too quickly, narrowing it down..........gotta go, been in here way too long, where on earth is anything in this new layout! Check

FINALLY make it to the check out lane, a little boy in front of us entertains Cross (a blessing from God), a lady opens up a new lane and comes and gets me and doesn't turn on her light until I am in line (another blessing from God). Only $7 over my budget and considering that I am doing math with an almost 2 year old hurling my pen across the store (another blessing from God, the total part, not the pen)! CHECK

Get out to the car........cold stuff in the back seat, other in the trunk, literally about to pee my pants, but have no options now other than to hold it! Milk and yogurt are certain to spoil! Check

Get home, unload and put up like a crazy women (after I pee), if I ever sit I won't stand again so take my second wind to knock it all out, oh crap, the dog is frantically looking for a treat, I say to her, "Snick, mommy is so sorry, she totally forgot to get you a treat. She will put it on her list right now so she won't forget next time". If anyone heard me they would for sure know I am crazy! CHECK

And finally, finding two goldfish in my back pocket that had hit the floor in Walmart (I do have my germ limits) and offering them to the dog as an ever so exciting treat and she snubs her nose at them.................check!

Life rocks, the few things I left out, some dude smiling at me like he was flirting and me thinking to myself, are you kidddddinnnggggggggg me, people all over the store complaining about the new layout and me cracking up at how we do NOT like change that's for darn sure, me pointing out a million things in the store to keep Cross happy, only a few of which he actually knows exist. And after it is all said and done, me putting Cross down for a nap and vegging makes life totally okay!

You guys rock! Avoid Sango Walmart for a few weeks if at all possible!