Monday, November 30, 2009

A week of miracles...........

Although I would have never signed up for a season of financial hardship, I can most certainly assure you that they always come with a fresh proof of God's great provision and miracles. This week alone my chin has dropped numerous times at even the smallest, seemingly most unimportant (in the grand scheme of life), details that God has seen fit to bless me with His grace.

The first one came at the onset of all our sickness. I knew that I pretty much had a one week spending freeze, but I am the biggest advocate of "load up on the vitamin C" you will ever meet so I just prayed that the Lord would protect us. The second half of my thought process during this time has to do with a Christmas tree. For the past 2 years we have not decorated for Christmas because of moves or what have you and this year the "we are renting and there are no pictures on the walls so why bother with it" saga began, but I knew I needed to decorate for Christmas. I knew that those lights calm my soul and make me focus on Jesus in the most special way. BUT our Christmas tree that was given to us a few years back is way too big for our skinny little living room and buying a new Christmas tree was about as low on the priority list as one thing could be! SO......I go to my friend Shelli's house Friday a.m. just to try to get Cross out of the house for a bit and she comes out of the bathroom with a HANDFUL of vitamin C mega dose packets and says "here take these". I was speechless. THEN she says, "what did you guys decide to do about decorating for Christmas" and I go into the whole story about needing a skinny tree, blah, blah and she says "oh, we have an extra one that is tall and skinny, Nick honey, would you put that extra tree in Kelly's trunk for her". I like needed to do a Jesus double take! That night, I took my vitamin C packet and Jeremy was so precious and pulled out every single Christmas box from the shed and we turned up the Christmas music super loud after Cross was off to sleep and the joy in this house was almost more than I could bare. I felt like so much had changed. I couldn't have cared LESS if the stupid ornaments matched, they were mine, they were ours, and they were on a tree that God Himself had made sure I was able to enjoy!

Ok, so on to today's miracle. Just for the record, I am a quick forgetter of God's goodness. J gets paid on Wednesday, we have no groceries and when I say none, I mean I had cooked all the meat in this house and my man has got to have some meat and there was nothin! So, I tell J last night, "you need to pray because I don't know what we should do". This a.m. a friend calls, says she is going to bring me lunch because I am still not over this yuck, she pulls up with bags and bags full of groceries, even easy meals so I won't have to really do anything but throw it in the oven!

So here is the moral of this story....................START ASKING GOD FOR WHAT YOU NEED AND WHAT YOU WANT! What a monumental idea! And when you talk to me and I am worry and whining about something, remind me of this post and tell ME to just ask Him for what I need! If He sees fit, then by golly, He will provide! Ok, love you guys like CRAZY!


Friday, November 27, 2009

It's all what you make of it.............

Life, that is! This a.m. as I have officially blown my nose 400 times since my eyes awoke at 4:00 a.m. and most certainly not for any Christmas sales. My eyes opened because my poor body gets so incredibly congested when I am lying down that eventually it just says enough is enough and I have to start the regiment of tissues, coffee, medicine, hot shower, the works. These past few days (well years really) I have been fighting the oh not so glorious pity party. Cross has been sick since Friday, mine came along maybe Monday and Jeremy's has been slowly sneaking in as well. Yesterday as my father-in-law cooked up the best Thanksgiving Dinner this side of the Mississippi, I hid in the corner tying not to sneeze on anyone and J sat trying not to pass out while we all awaited the meds to kick in and the turkey to be served! To join in my proof of not so "ideal" Thanksgivings, I have a dear friend who has been sitting just a few short miles away in the hospital with her daughter who has pneumonia and then I have Shawnna who is several miles away suffering with chemo sores in her throat that are preventing her from calling and I am certain preventing her from a good Thanksgiving cheer! So, with all my tissues close in tact, I am hearing my sweet mother's advice ringing through my ear, "it most certainly could be worse". And Amen to that one for sure.

So today, now that I am finally able to hear out of both ears and have downed enough breakfast to pop some more pills, I am heading out to make this day one that would resemble a child saved by grace rather than defeated by circumstances. Even if it takes me 5 hours I am going to attempt to disinfect this house and get it Christmas decor ready. I am going to go grab up my sweet baby who is stirring in the back ground and attempt to take him somewhere fun........

Sorry, that stirring turned into screaming, which turned into a fit over having to have a poopy diaper changed, which turned into another fit because he wanted creamer for breakfast instead of milk and then finally the routine needed to make it to where he could breath because evidently he is not as well as I had thought. Ok, where was I?

Oh yeh, it's all what you make of it! PERFECT TIMING for the reminder!

So readers, I am certain many of you may not be having the most "perfect" Thanksgiving or even life for that matter. But let's do our best today, by God's great grace, to make this weekend filled way more with joy than with regrets. 1 Peter 4:12 says "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ." I guess the true quest is to stop being so surprised that life just isn't ever (on earth) going to be perfect. One last quote before I leave you to attempt to snuggle on one grumpy toddler and make my husbands lunch and get him off to work.

"Nothing whatever pertaining to godliness and real holiness can be accomplished without grace!" A big Amen to that Jesus! Please fill us with your grace this day, to make the best of this thing we call LIFE!


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Hello blog friends! The Bullock Crew is a bit under the weather but hanging in there! God has been so good to us these past few weeks. He has been so faithful to encourage our hearts and to give us glimmers of His work in our lives. I have actually been in awe this week of His great patience and mercy to see us not only through this season, but the fact that He saw us to this season truly amazes me. While parenting Cross through the "terrible twos", I have often felt so overwhelmed at the amount of work, determination, and perseverance it takes to raise a child. I am not usually a long term committer. I like start ups, events, short seasons of work, where I can see things tied nicely in a bow sooner rather than later. Then, I personally, like to move on to something else. As you can imagine, that side of my personality has had a difficult time with this reality that things like manners, respect, patience, and the million other character traits I desire for Cross are going to be a life long endeavor. I am seeing more and more at how good God is to make this same long term commitment with His children. Obviously salvation is the greatest gift on earth, but I am seeing more and more that sanctification is a close second. Not giving us what we want, when we want it, takes more work, take more effort and takes way more time. I often say to Cross, please just do what I asked you to do (because selfishly, in the back of my mind, I don't even have the energy to march his little booty in the bedroom and shepherd his behind). That's why we as moms (or mainly I) give in, why we are lazy sometimes and don't do what is best, because we are exhausted, worn out, and without the patience to do the hard work to see our children through. But not God, He is gracious and without frustration or exhaustion, He parents His children with perfection!

So this Thanksgiving, oddly enough, that really is what I am thankful for. 2009 may have been one of the most difficult seasons so far in my walk with Jesus, but I am certain, it will bare the most fruit when this journey is said and done. Thank you Jesus that despite my pleas, You are sticking this one out, working all of this for good, all the while preparing an awesome place for us to journey at the end. I love you guys and I really do thank my God every time I think of you! Let's be odd to the world this year, let's really be thankful and not just for the turkey!

Because of Him,

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Journey...............................

Happy Tuesday, (now Wednesday and almost Thursday) everyone! Sometimes I laugh when I think about how this blog is just really a journey of what God is teaching me in my own private (and very often disfunctional) thought life. However, I have to believe that it is still worth sharing,

a. because I can't be the only person on earth struggling with some of this stuff and
b. because the Holy Spirit is the One who is teaching me and He is SO GOOD!

So, without further adu (how on earth do you spell that?), let me take you a little further on my journey. I shared with you on the last post about how God was showing me two gaping sins in my life. One of idolotry and the other a lack of contentment. I ended the post with a statement that has haunted me (that's why I used it, accountablity is always a good thing). Now that the scales have fallen off and I have full awareness of that sin; I must attack it! So I thought now was a good time to share a "thus far" post to let you know how, in God's great grace, things are changing. I have even been taking notes as He reveals things to me just to share with you!

One more huge clarification, it is good to be working on sins that don't involve horrific and shameful details, but know those battles have been faught and they were won with this same strategy. So either way, this will hopefully be a blessing to any season you are in! Also I am seeing more and more that the intial reality of sin is painful, but once you curve the other way, the journey actually becomes a great blessing!

Step one: God told me not to meditate on what it is that I am coveting (feeling entitled to, making an idol or not being content without,how ever the heck you want to word it). So for me personally, during this season, that is mainly a house. And even just to clarify, it isn't a big fancy house that I am wanting, it is more along the lines of a house of my own with cute paint and my fun towels. I am pretty sure I had cute bathroom towels somewhere, once upon a time, oh shoot, refocus! One of Jeremy and I's most favorite past times is "house shopping" online. Obviously, we are not in the market for a house right now so although NO ONE would say that it was a sin for us to dream and look, FOR ME PERSONALLY, God is just showing me during this season, that is something I need to cut out. Staring often at your idol is never a good thing. So I have deleted the favorites and made it several days now and what da you's helping!
Ok, so you fill in your blank here. I need to stop obsessing over ________________!

Step Two: Looking up scripture, listening to sermons, reading books (whatever), just meditating on what God says about the topic where I am struggling (the opposite of Step 1). God brought me back to a sermon that I had actually heard before, but this time He politely told me to dive in, take notes, and really DO what the man says! (a novel idea, I know). So for me, that was the sermon below and I will spare you the million notes that I took as fast as my little hand could write. I will only give you one quick quote.
"Don't tell me what you believe, show me how you live!" DANG
By all means, send me your struggle and I will have a book (or a hundred) and an equal number of sermons to occompany!

Step Three: Take it one situation at a time. For me, a day at a time is personally a bit overwhelming. God reminded me to break it down to a sitation at a time. Like my huge desire to be a submissive (not naggy) wife is overwhelming, but if I just partner with the Holy Spirit and keep my mouth shut when He says and other useful tips, I feel like the sin can be tackled. For this problem specifically, I am not worrying about all the logistics of Cross' 2nd Birthday being just so so. I am resisting looking at houses as I said, I am getting excited about Christmas for the REAL reason it is celebrated. You get the point!
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you each and every time you are being tempted and have the opportunity to do the right or the wrong thing!

And finally (for now), Step Four: (and avoid the corny rhyme) remember we are at war! I was talking with a dear friend the other day about how we so often forget that satan really is waging a war against us and so often we fight like big sissies! God is telling me to memorize some scripture and when this sin tries to raise it's ugly head I need to smash it with the Word. For me that is

1 Tim 6:6-8 Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing we will be content with that!


Phil 3:7-8 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

What would be two for you, for your specific battle with sin?

I am going to leave you with a reality the Lord gave me about personal revival:
"Even on earth and after Jesus, God still refuses to bless fully in the midst of sin!"


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Sooner rather than later...............

Wow, I am back on and although in reality it may take me a week to finish this post, I am going to go ahead and give it a shot! life............well, to be honest, for certain a mess, for certain a season of searching, and for finally, I think some major break throughs have appeared. Let me start this post with saying that although I know my tendency is always to shoot for perfection WHICH on this side of Heaven is absolutely impossible, recently I am just trying to shoot for peace. I think that is 1/2 of the revelation in itself. Also, hear me say that although I feel like I am on the verge of this break through, I feel like a jillion ounces (well gallons really) of prayers are needed for me to actually take this head knowledge all the way to my heart and have it lived out in my everyday life. So please know, not one prayer on me will be wasted. I feel selfish even asking or saying that but hey, I'm desperate here so I am humbling and asking all the same.

Let's start with my reality: For the past several years I can say with all honesty that Jeremy and I really have been attempting to follow Jesus with all of our hearts. We have tried to obey completely, without doubts, fears, or even delays. And let me share the other portion of that life, I have assumed all along that because we did that, we would be prospering and rolling in blessings by now. I'm just being honest here, probably wouldn't have said that out loud, but that was in my heart for certain.

Also, let me say that I know in reality, a marriage that really loves and a baby boy that is as healthy as a mule ARE total blessings, but at the same time in my present reality I cannot totally ignore losing a baby this year, not having a stable income that met even our most basic bills for 3 years now AND the ache in my heart to bring baby Chapel into this world and knowing that my husband will not even discuss the possibility until financial security is in place. NOT counting the fact that one of my life long desires has been to be a mommy yet over these past 2 years I feel like I have been drug to a new land and I am not yet flourishing! Most days feel like survival way more than thriving.

So.............with all that, here is where my battle comes in:
Head Knowledge: Kelly, those things that you are looking towards AREN'T going to make you happy!
Reality: Well, then when the heck am I ever going to be happy?
Big wake up call to say the least! Paired with the horrible reality that I have never ever wanted to be Susie Unhappy Christian that most certainly turns others away from CHRIST yet that is exactly what I am. SO, what is a girl to do?

Well, let me tell you what God has given me the grace to do, cling to Him, not turn to sin, while He took the time to show me how to figure it all out!

So, the conclusion, the break through is this...........IDOLS, I have em, big ones! And contentment, I have none or at least very little! One of my idols is a house, one is a job with 2.5 kids and a cute little yorkie dog, oh, and did I mention a fenced in back yard and a world wide ministry, a little girl with red hair, a little boy who doesn't throw fits in the Wal-Mart parking lot, geeeeze, didn't even realize just how bad it was until I started making this list. All "good" things just for the record but NO DIFFERENT just regarding the peace. Also, my lack of contentment, if I keep thinking right around the corner, right around the corner life is going to get good, well guess what, it's NOT!

That's where the kicker is, right around the corner is the same Jesus, the same personal relationship He desires, the same peace He wishes to give, and the same focus I am supposed to have! HOWEVER, if I choose to ignore it right around the corner it will do me no more good than it is doing me this very day!

And the worst stinkin part of all of this is I KNOW THIS INFO! I know Paul's verses. I know, know, know, I just don't feel, feel, feel!

So for me, an attack on idols and contentment is at hand. I really would like to live more days in victory with my sweet Jesus than snuggled up with the devil in a stupid ol pity party! So, obviously pray for me! Pray that my life will not be ruled by circumstantial happiness, but by a true and authentic love for my Jesus and a desire to do His will and serve His people!

Signing off, sorry for the book, love you guys lots!

In all my spare time...........................

Ok, so I NEED to be doing about 1,000 other things right now, but I just had to get on and say hello! For those of you in blog land who have been following baby Stellan's great miracle, can we give a big shout out to our awesome God for about 6,000 miracles this week! Thank you Jesus! (and leave me alone about my !!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus and exclamation points are a must in the same sentence, hahhahah) If you have no clue what the heck I am talking about I will put the link below for you to see his sweet no SVT face! Secondly, I wanted to share an awesome sermon series that I have been watching this week that is for sure rocking my world. As I have shared lots in recent posts, the Lord has taken me on such a journey these past few years, seeking out the Scriptures on the Holy Spirit, making me ask questions that seem actually to be way more popular than I had thought like, "why the heck is He never mentioned" and "why do we say the Bible is all truth yet vast parts of it seem to be totally ignored". Well, a pastor that we subscribed to on itunes just started a series a few weeks back on the Holy Spirit called "The Ghost" and it is for sure a must see. So, I will leave that link below as well. And last but certainly not least, I am experiencing some break throughs, some real heart change, head knowledge catching up with heart knowledge and I can't wait to sit and share, but for now, those 1,000 things calling me to go be productive are winning out so I must refrain, but hopefully soon! Love you guys to death! Hope you are having an AWESOME Thursday!

Because of Him!

No time to proof so ignore all errors, always! And run-on sentences, I am shooting for the queen!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Just checking in..............................

Hello everyone, just wanted to say a quick good afternoon. I am certain Cross will be waking from his nap any second, but I wanted to try to sneak in a chance to catch up! For those of you who I talk with often, you already know that this has been a hard week, but God has for sure seen us through. It is so romantic how you try to run, even from Him, yet He goes in search for you and draws you back, draws you near, draws you in! That has happened this week and as of yesterday afternoon, I returned, resting in His huge arms, trusting in the total life of unknown with an invisible, yet extremely trustworthy promise in hand, His plans are to bless us regardless of how it may appear. Let me go through and give you just a few quotes that have pulled me from the depths this week. One day I even got two text messages before 8:00 a.m., just proof of how many awesome friends He has blessed me with and how He was up early, laying it on people's hearts to pray me through.

"We tend to look at God's blessings only through the physical. We forget that even in times of great trials, the stripping, the refining, may be our greatest blessings in life."

"Happiness is a symptom of circumstance. Joy is a product of perspective. God is good. I will be grateful." This quote is from Steven Furtick's new series on Joy!

"We cant' forget that the people in the Bible were EXAMPLES for us and all of them went through suffering, times of unknowns, and seasons of great pain and injustice."

This list could go on and on, but I just had to share a few. So....... wherever you are, whatever you are going through, my prayer for you today is that you too will turn back to God, that you too will trust Him even when there is literally no visable hope in sight, and that you too will see the blessings amidst the pain. I love you guys, happy weekend, thank you for being a friend!

Because of Him,

Oh and P.S. If your last post says "Starbucks" or "Best Buddies" or "A New Record" or "Guess Who" may I remind you that it is high time for a new post! You are long overdue!!!!!!!! Hahahhahahha

Monday, November 2, 2009

May my soul rest assured in You!

This song, "Fire Fall Down" by Hillsong has been a great theme song in my life over the past two months. Almost every lyric is literally my heart's cry when words cannot seem to be found. You can even do a search in and hear it for yourself, but prepare, you may need to repeat about a thousand times as I did and am even having to do today! Just had to share in case someone else needed desperately for their soul to rest assured in HIM! Love you guys!


You bought my life with the
Blood that You shed on the cross
When You died for the sins of men
And You let out a cry
Crucified now alive in me

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I'll reach out desperate to see
All the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

I'll never be the same
No I'll never be the same

Cause I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy Name
Jesus Christ

You changed it all
You broke down the wall
When I spoke and confessed
In You I'm blessed
Now I walk in the light
In victorious sight of You

Your fire fall down
Fall down
On us we pray
As we seek

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory