Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's a new day.....................

Oh baby it's a new day! THANK GOODNESS! The crazy lady from yesterday has exited and the woman who would like to attempt to try taking on the world is back, at least as of 2:22 pm on Thursday. I can't make any promises for how the rest of the day will unfold. Two things I must share, and I am sure a few others will come. Number One, it is a bad sign when your hubs asks if it is (you know) "that time of the month", and you pray that it is because that would give you an excuse and then you look at the calendar and realize, darn it, not even close. Number Two would be that I think for some unknown to me reason, satan just totally gave me a run for my money for 24 whole hours yesterday. When I went to Bible Study last night I felt like it finally broke, but I was a bit "off" (again the G rated version) for a day or 2 this week. I don't think we should overlook those times of spiritual warfare, I think we should pray God gives us the grace to fight and then party like rock stars when they have passed.

So today is a new day and thank you so much to my dear sister in Christ who said that sometimes the terrible twos come early. Bless your soul for reminding me that this stage isn't named that just to have a little jingle. Also, thank you to anyone who prayed for me to not have a total mental breakdown. So far it has worked.

So with that said, I'd like to leave you guys with a few quotes. One was a text I received last night that said "we have GOT to talk tomorrow, can't wait to tell you what God did tonight. I just love so much being right in the middle of His will." I could almost feel her desire to jump out of her seat and scream to the world and guess what, this gal isn't in the middle of the perfect little life, with all going well, and the cars and house to boot, NO, this girl JUST FINISHED HER TREATMENTS FOR BREAST CANCER! Wow! Was that a bit of a reminder about how good our God is or what? Finally, in my Bible Study that I had this a.m. I read this line that made me want to shout a good amen so I just had to share with all of you! Know that I love you guys like crazy!!!!!!!!!!

"Taking God at His word isn't popular. With a growing disrespect for the Scriptures and a swelling disregard for hearing God's voice, few people celebrate a desire to adopt a radical lifestyle faith!

Oh friends, how I pray that you and I stick with radical and THROW caution to the wind!

Love ya lots!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

How I "feel" about Parenting!

Please know on the front end that I am fully aware that the word FEEL in this post title as well as in this situation is the basic problem of it all. BUT here me say, I am having a hard time shaking these FEELINGS so if anyone has any advice, by all means, share away! Jeremy brought home an awesome book on families and we have been reading it together at night and it has convicted me. It talks about how as a society we don't look at children as a gift from God any more, but as an annoyance. Well, many days, that mind set is so true for me personally. I swing from one ball of hormones with the motherly instinct of an animal, wanting another baby to fill our home, loving the pitter patter of baby feet. Then I go to the other end of the spectrum which is a mom who wants to scream at the top of her lungs, "for the love of God, DON'T do it". That may sound a bit extreme, but I can promise you for me personally, that last statement is a bit mild. I am giving you the rated G version of my thought life.

Take right now for instance, last week we didn't have school, so mom lagged on the nap schedule, well this week we are back in school and we either have a kid screaming in the crib that won't take a nap or a kid who is up yet pitching a fit about EVERYTHING! Now, let me give you the opposite glimmer, this a.m. when I was getting ready, I peeked into the living room and saw Cross smirk and when he knew that the hair dryer was going off and I was coming in for the chase, he dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks to "hide" from me and I was so in love I didn't think I could contain myself. Yesterday, as he pitched some God awful fits in the middle of public and the road, I wanted to just curl in a ball and cry when thinking of all the work ahead, yet at 2 a.m. when he was sneezing a bit and I went to check on him and saw him attempting to cover his little nose as he sneezed, I wanted to jump feet first in the crib with him and cuddle up for the night! So, with all of this said, I FEEL SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A MOM TODAY! And then I feel like the scum of the earth for saying that when their are dear friends in my life that would kill to have this same problem! I am just trying to be honest here! I am putting some fun pics of Cross to remind me that I really am madly in love with him and that when I slack I pay so I need to buck up and do a better job while still realizing that he is just that, a kid! Love you guys and thanks for allowing the rant!

Feelings cannot be trusted!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday Finale.............................

Well it's Friday afternoon and Cross is taking his late afternoon nap. Since we started preschool we have to take another nap to get us through the day. They only sleep for 1 1/2 hours at school which isn't nearly long enough for my little guy. I now know this is a common dilemma for parents, but it never really crossed my mind until day one of school when Cross was a disaster by 5:00. Our new routine is working even with my OCD tendencies and resisting of change. I am seeing it is a TOTAL blessing because I can now get supper prepared in peace which is worth more to me than the longer naps we were used to!

So.............that was all a random side note to what I was signing on to say! I wanted to share the glorious victory, the Friday Finale, to making it through another week of life. Some days (well really most days) I feel like that is such a win, such a blessing, to get through another week without drinking beer, without giving up on life, without being super rude to anyone (at least not intentionally or knowingly), without running away from home, without turning my back on God, and without killing my husband OR my child, or both! :) No offense sweety!

I was reading recently about how life is a marathon and not a sprint, about how Paul says "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2. I can't help but focus in on the "who for the joy set before him ENDURED". Some moments of life are just naturally a blessing and other moments must be endured. They must be the hills in the marathon, the last few miles, or the wall you hit 1/2 way through. Some moments aren't peaches and cream and in those moments, God is so proud when we don't give up, give in, or give out! When we fix our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfecter of our faith.

So for me, the third week of October is down, almost at least. The 4th week will come soon, and our circumstances regarding a job have no earthy hope in sight. BUT the great news is, our Father has promised He is working all things for good (Rom 8:28), He has provided for ALL of our needs (Phil 4:19), and He is doing a new thing which He personally told me to behold (Ish 43:18). So, with that said, I pray that your Friday Finale is a good one as well. Sure you may have slowed down to a crawl in your race this week, sure you may have needed a few extra water stops, and sure blisters may be forming, but lets don't quit the race. Let's look so forward to the joy that is set before us that these problems of life seem like light and momentary troubles (2 Cor 4:17). Let's make sure we stomp satan again next week and tell him to shut it for ALL the lies: past, present and future. Let's encourage a fellow Christian or a family member who has fallin off the wagon. Let's give our marriages 100% and let go of the ol' 50/50. Let's love our babies in spite of our million and one mistakes. Let's pray this weekend that God will reveal Himself to us on Sunday morning like never before. Let's finish this thing called life well; let's finish 2009 with a bang. Let's live to see the fullness of the Lord revealed in us. Let's attempt to be an exception to the rule instead of a statistic! Let's copy-cat Jesus and endure, even to the cross, because there are a great cloud of witnesses at stake!

Ok, love you guys like crazy! Have awesome weekends!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

One liners....................

I have been wanting to say hello for several days but can't seem to make it happen! SO, with Cross down for a nappy, I am going to attempt to share some kind of "one liners" that God is using or has used over the past couple of weeks to change my life! I mean change my life literally because I feel like I am finally beginning to come out of the funk that this season of wilderness living has tried to sink me in! Thank you Jesus for your encouragement, for your gentle whisper, for the perfect books and people to encourage me! You are so personal, so Holy, so full of love! To YOU be all the glory forever and ever, AMEN!

"I am smokin, what I am sellin!" From a pastor's blog and it made me think, wrestle, cry, and repent!

"So I'll be doin what is right despite incarceration" From "The Ballad of Little Joe" Veggie Tales are changing my life. Who knows if Cross is getting encouraged, but I certainly am. If Little Joe can praise God and remain faithful in a HUGE storm of life, so can I!

"Despite their personal shortcomings and past mistakes, every Hebrew was extended the same opportunity: obey God and reap the rewards." This is from my Bible Study "One in a Million" by Priscilla Shirer. This study has been such perfect timing it is not even funny. My jaw has dropped often as I have read the pages and pondered my current circumstances. I have only done a few things right in life, but one has been to attempt to always ask the Holy Spirit to show me what Bible Study to do next! There are so many "good" things out there, but I want Him to show me what is BEST for me, in my season, with my sins, for my future calling! Here are a few more from that study:

"Lack of faith stops the believer's journey with God at the edge of the promised land."

"I become (or for me, had become) more focused on the journey than on the One who called me to it."

Now this segment is from the Bible Study I am about to start and I don't know that I have ever been more excited in my life after reading an intro to a study! "Seeking Him" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom (google it, get it) It is on the topic of personal revival, HOW timely!

First paragraph in the intro:
"Are you tired of trying to be a good Christian? Are you overloaded and worn out with church activities? Do you sometimes feel as if you're just going through the motions of the Christian life? Do you often find yourself running on empty spiritually? Do you experience heaviness or shame more than joy and freedom in your Christian life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then perhaps God is calling you to something deeper. Maybe you're ready to experience personal revival!"

WOW! I will refrain from quoting the entire intro, but I am pumped all the same!

"A faith that leaves us unprepared for suffering is a false faith that deserves to be lost." "If God is Good" by Randy Alcorn This is a book I have just begun and it may take me a year to finish it, but it is awesome so far. It says that "Suffering will come; we owe it to God, ourselves, and those around us to prepare for it." WOW again!

Ok, last but MOST certainly not least, the Lord gave me a word the other day for our future and I thought it may be a great encouragement for us all!

Ish 43:18&19 "Behold I do a new thing! Now it springs up! Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland!"

I cannot tell you how thrilled I will be to behold a new thing! Thank you Jesus!

Love you guys!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Pumpkin Mania Con't.................................

So, Pumpkin Mania Has Continued! Now instead of calling a pumpkin, a ball, he calls it a "Bi-Boo", it is SOOOOOOO cute! It kinda sounds like "Bible" which made me a little sad that we have no clue what that word is but we are focused in on a pumpkin. BUT I will try to refrain my legalism and be certain that we will in fact show him Jesus. His sweet little words today are making my heart smile instead of my brain panic. It is so cute when they say words weird, so darn cute!

This is our first pumpkin carving as a family and with J and I being the two most creatively/artistically challenged humans on earth I thought it turned out quiet well. We both laughed when it came to the carving time, we looked at each other like "what on earth are we supposed to do". Obviously, we figured it out and Cross smiles and tells it "hi" every time he walks by the front door. Today I turned it towards the door instead of towards the road. This bi-boo is for him anyways! Another funny moment was when Cross, the not so neatest kid on earth, would have no part in touching the yucky pumpkin guts. He turned into Mr. Neatfreak, what odd timing!

C has actually been sick for the past few days, thankfully it is NOT the flu, but we have still been home bound so far this week. This is random and off subject, but I feel like I am getting more and more in the groove of being a mommy everyday. Not to say that I don't have horrible moments (you can most certainly have J confirm those) but I am at least enjoying this calling more often than feeling lost and defeated! It is for sure the largest transition of my life, greatest gift, largest transition! Well, you guys have a great rest of the week! Thanks so much for sharing life with us!

The Bullocks and Mr. Bi-Boo

Oh and P.S. The Hope Pregnancy Center's Banquet ROCKED! Thank you so much for all of your prayers! I love nothing more than kicking satan in the B-O-O-T-Y!!!!!!!!! If God is calling you to do something BIG, SCARY, or HARD, press on sweet sister, it is so worth it in the end! So worth seeing Jesus lifted HIGH and something else getting a good taste of his own medicine!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Pumpkin Mania.................................

Ok, so this year we are joining in all the fun that families get to participate in once you have children. Cross is just now at the age to really enjoy all these neat events so today we joined the other parents in the surrounding area and headed out to a pumpkin patch! Cross calls pumpkins (and anything else that is round), balls! He was so cute. He loves pumpkins UNLESS there is something near that resembles a tractor, train, truck or lawn mower, so the pumpkins quickly took 2nd place. I smiled from ear to ear watching him run and play. It was so nice to be able to let him run free (for the most part at least). He is all boy and today our sweet family being able to play together made all of life absolutely perfect. I felt so blessed, so honored, so humbled and so focused on what really matters! I want to build a life of memories for this little guy. I want to be a fun family that is madly in love with Jesus, not a family with a million rules. I want Cross to grow up with so many fewer obstacles to his faith than I did. I am excited today about our future. I am in awe of where we are in spite of our past. But most of all, I am madly in love with the Savior that is making it all possible. That cross that He died on is the one and only reason I can smile and experience total peace, and for that, I am eternally grateful! I love you guys! I hope your weekend was blessed, that your week goes well, and that you are in awe of the Savior that wiped our slates clean so that blessing could be written!


Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hope Pregnancy Center!

Hey everyone one, I wanted to send out a prayer request and an invite to this year's Hope Pregnancy Center's Fundraising Banquet. It is tonight and tomorrow night and I have some space available at my table tomorrow night (Friday). So, if you don't have plans, (and live in convenient driving distance) please email me and we'll get your name on the list. It will be an awesome night hearing about all the miracles God is doing in this town through the Center. I also wanted to ask you guys to be in prayer for the banquet. There are many awesome transitions going on at the Center and I am praying that we raise a ton of funds to bless the new and existing staff to be able to dream BIG! There is nothing more frustrating than God giving you a big vision to help people, but not having the resources to make it happen. So please, come join my hubby and I tomorrow night if possible, but for sure keep the Center in your prayers!

Love you guys!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Idols, no thank you......................

Hello everyone! I am writing from my oh so glorious home on a stormy Tuesday. I rarely do these days well, but today is an at home day that so far is going great! I have been cleaning and cooking, actually my favorite mommy jobs when they don't get shoved down the priority list! Cross is now napping! I am blogging! What more could a girl want out of life?? Well...................THAT honestly is what seems to be the problem. God spoke to me today and said, "Kelly, everything that you are discontent about or that you think would make you happy is actually an idol." WOW! Whether it is a job or financial security, a cute house or even a few extra clothes, that feeling, that huffy, puffy, eight year old kind of feeling, can usually always be linked back to an idol. Me thinking that "thing", whatever it is, will really make me happy. You see today, I can make a choice to spend time with God, to rest in His presence, to relax and read His Word and to be encouraged OR I can focus on the "I wants, I deserves, or the I should haves". The sad truth is, none of those things I desire will even bring happiness, at least not happiness that will last longer than a day or so!

Last Tuesday I had a Jesus day and honestly, as far back as I can remember, that day ranked up there with like wedding and baby day. It was an ordinary day, I drove to see Shawnna, I had downloaded a sermon series that made God super dooper big and I had the windows down, desiring to feel His presence like never before. And WHAT DO YA KNOW, it was a great day! One that did not include a job, the green late for another baby, my dream home or even Cross minding his manners, it just included Jesus. So I am logging off and trying again, trying to seek Him, spend time with Him, be filled UP by Him and let Him be my true source of joy! As for Kelly Bullock, and as for today, thank you, they don't work anyways!