I have obviously misled some people referring to this Beth Moore study so I MUST come back and clarify! If I were really brave I would take some pictures of the disaster of a house that occurs here often, I would take a picture with me and my raccoon eyes at 4 in the afternoon still in my PJ's and if I really were to get brutally honest I would record myself snapping at my husband because we are both tired and on edge. This parenting thing doesn't fit in ANY box I have attempted to shove it in. We have good days (and nights) and then life hits and we are all crying (even Snick). Oh, and time with God, well 2 out of 3 days it is a goal more than a reality. I have laid down Breaking Free and come to peace with the fact that God has given me the okay because He knows what can and can't be a reality in these precious days of motherhood. I know He called me to do the portion I completed, but I also know this is not something He has given me the grace to complete. A 20 minute quiet time is a realistic goal in this season and Beth Moore studies take more like an hour. God has blessed me an awesome book that I can do at my newborn pace and know that His grace during this season has fully covered me, thank goodness! So, super mom, no way! I don't spend enough QT with Cross as he is growing faster than I can believe. I forget to change his diapers sometimes and as much of a blessing as nursing is, sometimes I think to myself, "again, you have got to be kidding me." I could list a hundred other things I am doing "wrong" but I am going to stand under God's grace instead of satan's blanket of condemnation. I am trying and that I know God is blessing. He knows I want to be a good mommy, a good wife, a good friend, and most of all a good child of His. I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves. His Word says, my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Mat 11:30) I pray all of you reading are experiencing a light yoke regardless of where you are in life and I pray that I won't make my yoke heavier than God intends for it to be in mine!
In His Grace!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The number one asked question regarding this move. I know that this question is asked 100% out of love and a way to know how to pray, but I have felt led to blog about what God has shown me through this specific call to follow my man 13 hours away from all I've known and loved. Clarksville is my home. It is first of all where I truly got to know my Savior and had a head on collision with His love and grace that will forever shape my life. It is where I fell in love with the man who surpassed all my dreams and now where my son was born. Not to mention Clarksville is where the beautiful home sits that we have housed all of these memories (as well as being painted just the colors I wanted :)! So, how do I feel? Well, to answer this question we must ask two parts of me to know the whole answer, my flesh and my spirit. Let's start with the not so attractive flesh. My flesh has been kicking and screaming since day one that a possible move was mention. I am all about my man reaching the world, oh, wait a minute, actually the city of Clarksville for Jesus! He can reach the world on airplane trips not major moves! My flesh likes the Mother's Day Out I had Cross enrolled in, it likes my YMCA membership that I was about to take full advantage of and chat with all the moms while I enjoyed my break and my workout! My flesh likes the house I live in, the nursery I just decorated, and the street I share with the greatest neighbors ever. My flesh likes the million babysitting options that I have here and right up the interstate. My flesh likes the Mom's Group I had planned to join. The list could go on and on and these things are by no means BAD, just comfortable! Then we have my spirit. My spirit 110% knows this is God's will. Without going into the million details of conformation, I will tell you that I have gotten it! The major things God has shown me, are one, that this is NOT random! That He has ordained each and every detail and that HE WILL go with us every step of the way! What an awesome God we have that His first line of business with me was comfort! Then He took care of some other needed details like a heart check. I felt God asking me, Kelly, do you love people, or do you love people at Grace Community Church? Oh, that is something I forgot to mention about my flesh. It is kicking and screaming because I just happen to attend the most awesome church in the WORLD! My flesh wants my baby boy to attend the preschool that I literally watched grow from the ground up. I want him to grow up with the most amazing kids program and worship services this side of Heaven, ok back to my spirit! I had to answer God, yes I love people..... Then God revealed to me, the sad, but accurate truth that we, as a family would function better in ministry out of our comfort zone! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Finally, remember that Bible Study that I mentioned in a previous blog and how appropriate the week's message was when I had Cross, well guess what the next week was about, OBEDIENCE! AHHHHHH again! So, how do I feel.. in my Breaking Free I underlined almost a whole week regarding this topic, but my favorite part was, "on its own, my heart is deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9). I can't trust how I feel, so why ask! So what am I doing, I am being obedient to my very dependable, very trustworthy, Savior one day at a time! Some people have said, I don't know how you are doing this and that is my answer, one day at a time! Beth wrote in this week's lesson "An obedient life grows from obedient days." Today I have tons of laundry to do! I need to call a million places concerning everything from health insurance to a new mortgage. I have to feed this adorable baby boy every 3 hours and my dog will need to be let out at least 10 times. I need to go by the bank and I must keep my house somewhat ready to show at all times. That is all I can do today! See God has given me the perfect gifts to be my husbands perfect helpmate, but I have to choose to put them into practice. If I ask myself how I feel, I'll sit on the couch all day crying and eating, but if I choose to be obedient today, I'll be the wife and mother I am called to be, today. The great news is that my spirit's feelings are slowly but surely taking over the feelings of the flesh! I am excited about an adventure. I am more than thrilled that we are moving to the beach! Obedience usually does have perks! All and all, as I look back, life would be boring without this wild ride Jesus has asked us to board! Most importantly, we have to remember that there is more at stake here than how I feel. There are lives that God has ordained my husband to reach and despite my wishes, those lives are now in Elizabeth City, N.C., not Clarksville, TN! I trust that God wants and knows what is best for our family, not necessarily what is best for our flesh, but what will make us more like Him and oh, have I learned that in that brings more happiness than this small town country girl could have ever even thought was possible! So I FEEL, honored humbled, scared, excited, overwhelmed, but most of all loved by a God who has bigger plans for me and my family than I would have even tried to dream!!!!!!!!!
PS Don't ask these guys how they feel just yet :) Love you grandparents, aunts and cousins!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! We apologize for not having updated baby pictures sooner, but things have been a little wild around here! I hope these cute ones make up for my slacking! Ok, so the big news........... We would love to sit down and tell everyone this news face to face, but because of time this is our only option. It is official, at least 99.9%, that we are moving to Elizabeth City, North Carolina. We are heading over as a family at the beginning of January and unless something major happens on either end, we are going to be calling New Community Church our new church home. Jeremy will serve as the church's Student Minister and I am more than excited to see him get to use his amazing gift full time! The church has loved us more than we could ever repay already! Our house is now on the market so if you know any friends, family, acquaintances or hey even strangers that need a new home here is the link so send them our way. http://listings.realtracs.com/BuyerFull.aspx?EmailID=16451898 Seriously, some prayer requests include: our house selling, us finding a home there, the logistics of moving with a one month old and most importantly broken hearted grandparents. There is nothing worse than having an adorable baby boy with all of his grandparents close by and then moving him 13 hours away :( Please pray they somehow get the quality time with this little guy regardless of the miles! Finally, the students in Elizabeth City! Please pray that God goes before us and prepares their hearts and that Jeremy will be able to build awesome relationships and make a huge impact for Jesus! I can't wait to see lives changed, that will make this whole thing worth it! Again, we wish we could have told everyone who has loved us this far face to face, but we are planning to move as soon as the logistical details are in place so the blog was the only practical way to go! We love you and thank you so much in advance for your prayers!
Because of Him,
J, K, Cross, and of course Snick!
Sunday, December 9, 2007
I don't know if the Lord has ever "tricked" you. Not at all using tricked in a bad sense, maybe got you to do something He wanted you to do with a motivator that caused you to tackle something you would normally have said "no way" to! That has happened to me this past month. I won't go into the whole long story, but basically I have found myself tackling a Bible Study that I never thought I would have the energy (emotionally, physically, or spiritually) to complete AGAIN. That is the key, again, I did Breaking Free by Beth Moore in 2003 and it literally took me through a 12 week counseling session that changed my life forever. See when you come from as much bondage and baggage as I do, hearing the Lord's love and grace and most importantly freedom is almost more than one person can bare. I couldn't believe He hated all the things that were done to me and the things I had done to myself, just as much as I did, no really so much more. Well, I am a brand new mommy and on week 6 of the study for the second time, and wouldn't you know it, God had a perfect plan for what week 6 would bring to my new mommy soul. Isaiah 61:3 ...and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. Because of my past, I never dreamed I would be able to have children, but my God has bestowed on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes. This week that grace has brought me humbly to my knees, may He receive all the splendor!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Well, we made it home and 36 hours later I have lived to blog about it! When I started this page, I wanted it to be real. I didn't want to just put our "cutest" family pictures up and brag about how "great" everything was and God has certainly allowed me to have much to share over these past few hours at home. Don't the pictures look great. Our son is so cute and at the hospital I could literally say everything was perfect. He was sleeping great, feeding great, life was great! Then we came home.......... We had a wonderful time with our family while Cross just slept and slept and slept (that should have been my first cue) and then everyone left and we (well Jeremy and I) turned in for the night, but Cross on the other hand was ready to PARTY! To make a very long 24 hours short, we didn't sleep at all and we aren't feeding great to say the least! He has an unheard of problem, he doesn't want to eat. Maybe every 5 hours which sounds like a great thing, but worry, worry, and guilt guilt try to take hold. Basically, all I can say is that everything on this side of heaven, even the greatest gift God has given me since my amazing husband is still a let down in comparison to Jesus! He is STILL my only true source of happiness and during the middle of the night I didn't even know what that looked like anymore, but I certainly knew "this world has nothing for me". Night number 2 has gone much better. I had a plan yesterday that our little blessing was NOT going to sleep all day and party all night and that has worked surprisingly well. Please do pray that our latching and feeding continue to get better. We have a Dr. appointment this morning so I am about to hit the shower and start the 2 hour prep time that I know will still be rushed! Love you all and from the entire Bullock Family, thank you for your prayers, support, love, laughs and Starbucks coffee!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Whew!!! It seems like it took forever but now Cross is finally here. Just to update everyone on the events that have taken place in the last 48 hours. Kelly and I arrived at Jenny Stuart Medical Center at 12:00 a.m Monday morning. Upon our arrival we were checked into our lovely delivery room. (I thought we would deliver in the e.r. or some other place, what do I know.) After trying to sleep and having several tests ran on Kelly throughout the night the doctor arrived at 7:00 in the morning and immediately broke her water. Since her water was broken it's only going to be a matter of minutes before she pops out our baby right? Wrong! She remained dialated at 1.5 centimeters from 7:00 in the morning until at least 4:30 in the afternoon. Did I mention that Kelly's first epidural didn't take and she had to have it removed and then put back in completely from the start. That was fun. Anyways, the nurse came in and checked her about 6:15. To our surprise she was almost dialated to 10 centimeters. Shortly thereafter Dr. Stitt (we love him) came in and asked if we were ready to have a baby. Due to watching too many tv shows and movies having a baby is nothing like I had imagined in my head. There were not nurses and doctors running around screaming for a scalpal or any other medical instrument. It was very calm and peaceful. Fortunately Kelly's second epidural was working and the pushing began. As I sat beside Kelly holding her arm, with my head down and finger in my one good ear ( just in case I saw something or heard a noise that wanted to make me vomit), she pushed and pushed and within about 30 minutes I was holding our son! Now I sit in amazement at Main St. Cafe because Starbucks doesn't have wireless internet (go figure) writing a blog about something that has truly changed our life forever. As I write Kelly and Cross are doing great. They are both very active and have healthy appetites. I would continue to write but I have a beautiful wife and handsome son waiting on me at the hospital! Thank you for all your prayers and support during this time in our life. I hope you enjoy the pictures!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Ok, so tonight is show time! Unless something happens before hand, we are heading to the hospital to welcome Jeremy Cross Bullock into this world around midnight! I have been very anxious today which is not my personality, but considering all the unknowns I am about to face, I am giving myself a break! I know the Lord is going as well so that is what I have to focus on, not fear, but excitement to meet this person that HE alone ordained to enter this world. We certainly didn't which makes it all the more special!!!!!!! I tried to take a nap today and woke up and looked over and Snick and Jeremy were fast asleep with their heads on the pillow and I thought how ironic! They seemed totally calm! :) This is the nine month me for my wonderful friends who have been walking this road with me on the phone or by e-mail. I am certainly going to tip over if we don't get him out! We will have pictures up ASAP with the answer to the biggest question, will he have red hair?? Love you and thank you all for your prayers!
Our family (as any other) had life all planned out! Jeremy was going to attend Southern Seminary and I was going to work at the Hope Pregnancy Center for 3 years and then we were going to switch roles and start our family! God laughs when we plan is the best way I can explain how things actually happened! In late April, early May we found out that we were in fact expecting a baby! Shock is the understatement of the year! Almost instantly the Lord showed me that I was to step down from my job upon arrival of our little one. People ask what are our plans, and we are starting to accept that planning is really not a good idea! We know the Lord is going to work out all the details and that is enough!