Wednesday, December 26, 2007

How do I feel???

The number one asked question regarding this move. I know that this question is asked 100% out of love and a way to know how to pray, but I have felt led to blog about what God has shown me through this specific call to follow my man 13 hours away from all I've known and loved. Clarksville is my home. It is first of all where I truly got to know my Savior and had a head on collision with His love and grace that will forever shape my life. It is where I fell in love with the man who surpassed all my dreams and now where my son was born. Not to mention Clarksville is where the beautiful home sits that we have housed all of these memories (as well as being painted just the colors I wanted :)! So, how do I feel? Well, to answer this question we must ask two parts of me to know the whole answer, my flesh and my spirit. Let's start with the not so attractive flesh. My flesh has been kicking and screaming since day one that a possible move was mention. I am all about my man reaching the world, oh, wait a minute, actually the city of Clarksville for Jesus! He can reach the world on airplane trips not major moves! My flesh likes the Mother's Day Out I had Cross enrolled in, it likes my YMCA membership that I was about to take full advantage of and chat with all the moms while I enjoyed my break and my workout! My flesh likes the house I live in, the nursery I just decorated, and the street I share with the greatest neighbors ever. My flesh likes the million babysitting options that I have here and right up the interstate. My flesh likes the Mom's Group I had planned to join. The list could go on and on and these things are by no means BAD, just comfortable! Then we have my spirit. My spirit 110% knows this is God's will. Without going into the million details of conformation, I will tell you that I have gotten it! The major things God has shown me, are one, that this is NOT random! That He has ordained each and every detail and that HE WILL go with us every step of the way! What an awesome God we have that His first line of business with me was comfort! Then He took care of some other needed details like a heart check. I felt God asking me, Kelly, do you love people, or do you love people at Grace Community Church? Oh, that is something I forgot to mention about my flesh. It is kicking and screaming because I just happen to attend the most awesome church in the WORLD! My flesh wants my baby boy to attend the preschool that I literally watched grow from the ground up. I want him to grow up with the most amazing kids program and worship services this side of Heaven, ok back to my spirit! I had to answer God, yes I love people..... Then God revealed to me, the sad, but accurate truth that we, as a family would function better in ministry out of our comfort zone! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Finally, remember that Bible Study that I mentioned in a previous blog and how appropriate the week's message was when I had Cross, well guess what the next week was about, OBEDIENCE! AHHHHHH again! So, how do I feel.. in my Breaking Free I underlined almost a whole week regarding this topic, but my favorite part was, "on its own, my heart is deceitful above all things (Jer 17:9). I can't trust how I feel, so why ask! So what am I doing, I am being obedient to my very dependable, very trustworthy, Savior one day at a time! Some people have said, I don't know how you are doing this and that is my answer, one day at a time! Beth wrote in this week's lesson "An obedient life grows from obedient days." Today I have tons of laundry to do! I need to call a million places concerning everything from health insurance to a new mortgage. I have to feed this adorable baby boy every 3 hours and my dog will need to be let out at least 10 times. I need to go by the bank and I must keep my house somewhat ready to show at all times. That is all I can do today! See God has given me the perfect gifts to be my husbands perfect helpmate, but I have to choose to put them into practice. If I ask myself how I feel, I'll sit on the couch all day crying and eating, but if I choose to be obedient today, I'll be the wife and mother I am called to be, today. The great news is that my spirit's feelings are slowly but surely taking over the feelings of the flesh! I am excited about an adventure. I am more than thrilled that we are moving to the beach! Obedience usually does have perks! All and all, as I look back, life would be boring without this wild ride Jesus has asked us to board! Most importantly, we have to remember that there is more at stake here than how I feel. There are lives that God has ordained my husband to reach and despite my wishes, those lives are now in Elizabeth City, N.C., not Clarksville, TN! I trust that God wants and knows what is best for our family, not necessarily what is best for our flesh, but what will make us more like Him and oh, have I learned that in that brings more happiness than this small town country girl could have ever even thought was possible! So I FEEL, honored humbled, scared, excited, overwhelmed, but most of all loved by a God who has bigger plans for me and my family than I would have even tried to dream!!!!!!!!!
PS Don't ask these guys how they feel just yet :) Love you grandparents, aunts and cousins!


Emily Doss said...

There are both blessings and sacrifices to doing what God wants us to do, but there is nothing like the peace that He gives when we are right where we are supposed to be. The trials will come, but I pray that the Savior will show you even more of Himself as you continue on this journey. :)

Michael Bayne said...

girl you are right on track...moving 12 hours away was the best thing that ever happened to our family, we learned what trusting God was about, we learned to be satisfied in HIM, God will give ya the strength!