Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Avoiding all things productive................

Sometimes when I have a long list of things to-do, especially for a long time, I get stressed. I am the type A kind of person who likes to make her list and then mark it off. I am not a procrastinator, I am the opposite, I am OCD about my list and life is not life as it should be until it is ALL DONE. After Ethiopia, the fact that I was going to be a full time stay at home mom told me that I would have nothing but time on my hands, but nothing could be further from the truth, at least not so far. There has been a LOT of post adoption, readoption paperwork and stuff to do and I am beginning to move into shut down mode. That is always a great time for me to blog. It is like my form of running away, I run from the have-to-do list and embrace the just-because-I-want-to-do kind of things in life.

I would blog 2 times a day if I could but right now that is far down the reality list. Cross and Mercy take a LOT of attention and focus right now. I have been doing good to keep the house somewhat picked up, the food at least somewhat cooked and purchased and for the love of homemaking what did women do before the washer and dryer? My lack of a dish washer is the constant keeper of my time but with Ethiopia fresh in my mental mind I am trying my hardest not to complain. I am sure you can tell! The thing that really triggered my "all work and no play" state happened a few weeks ago. I was reading a blog, of a stranger, and she was giving the sweetest and most innocent recap of her weekend. She had gone out with friends and her husband on Friday night (without kids) and then out with girlfriends on Saturday morning (again without kids). I was down right annoyed with my internet friend. Who died and made her queen of the world? How did she get all those breaks and write about them with zero mention of guilt or apology?? God gave me the grace to know, that was my que, I NEEDED A BREAK. Parenting makes you feel guilty for the thought of a break and then add in adoption and you are in martyr mentality faster than you can blink your non-mascared eyes.

So here is what we (I) have to remember, Jesus really is about your business, if you need a break, He knows, He cares, and He is a Man with a plan. Your role is really just to pray. I have prayed off and on over the past few weeks. How do I balance, QT with Jeremy, Cross, Mercy and MYSELF????????? How do I get a date night, a one on one night with each kid and a girl's get away, all in one month, all in one budget? I felt God telling me, take it one day at a time, do what is best today and that was a few weeks back. Well let me tell you what has unfolded over the past two days literally and if you tell me Jesus only cares about the largest details of your life, I'll tell ya you are missing out on all the fun. Jeremy and I obviously haven't had a date in now almost 5 weeks (great for the marriage, NOT). Well we got invited to a fundraising dinner in Nashville (PTL) and we talked about it and talked about it and said YES! Mercy has been doing great at her hour or two of childcare here and there so the kids are going to a friend's and my man and I are going OUT. Then I got invited to something this weekend where a combination of super heroes and Jesus are present so my little man and I are going on a hot date while my princess and her father go on a daddy/daughter breakfast. I bet they will be the cutest thing in Clarksville, TN (please don't think I am bragging, I just can't get over the two of them still). And THEN a girlfriend at Bible Study today said she was going on a road trip to a conference next weekend and asked if I wanted to go and I did something I never do, SPONTANEOUS!!!!!!!!! I text my man, he said yes, and I didn't ask twice, I AM IN!

So out with the productivity of life, let's start living. Please know I am not bragging on me, I am bragging on Jesus. Two girl friends have asked me about this exact topic this week so I wanted to write about it, sisters we need a break and satan ain't gonna roll out the red carpet for ya, you gotta ask Jesus to do that. This morning as I walked, unknowing of the icing on the cake He had in store. I just told Him, Jesus I still feel like I need a break, a real one, like more than a few hours here and there. Imagine my reaction when one short sentence paved a way for His answer. I now know He was saying, "I know sweet one and I have it all planned already, you just keep walking".

He is more personal and more trustworthy than we ever give Him credit. All of this may not work out as blissfully perfect as it sounds on paper. Satan will want Jeremy and I to fight tomorrow night and Cross may have a fit on the floor in his Spiderman suit. My friend and I will have to fight satan tooth and nail next week to get the heck out of dodge and get us some Jesus, but that is just life after the fall and Jesus is the only thing that makes it remotely bearable. So get up and get out a little. If your personality is like mine and people would be far less impressed with your social life than your productive life, live a little, life's way too hard on us not to. So I am signing off, going to bed, it'll ALL still be here tomorrow. I have a date to prepare for, two actually, and I am making plans to be dazzled, you should too!


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