Monday, March 3, 2008

Pitiful or Powerful

Well friends, this week has certainly erred on the side of the pitiful I'm afraid. It all started Wednesday, our precious little bundle of joy who in all seriousness really is a great baby went from his normal, predictable self, to a screaming disaster. It was his tummy and it broke my heart. With patience, we worked through the day hoping it would pass (literally) and Thursday would be a new day. Well, Thursday came along and with excitement and officially having a stable routine (after what has felt like months of chaos) house cleaning a lunch date were on the agenda. Unfortunately, the screaming continued and what once sounded like a fun outing turned into a nightmare of fear. Lunch was canceled and I brushed it off as the little one just needing a day at home and it certainly couldn't hurt for mommy as well, so home we were. As you can guess, the spiral continued downward. The screaming worsened over the weekend and then a sinus infection arose to boot. Jeremy would ask a once confident mommy, what does he need and by yesterday through a laugh that covered a million tears I said "I have no clue what he needs" and deep down inside I was thinking "just shut him UP!". The book that I had referred to that had made me that confident parent was now burried under a stack of boxes, I have no clue who or where to find a doctor in town to get me well and I had finally started a workout routine that now had to be put to the back burner as if being on the back burner for these past few months wasn't enough, the pity party goes on and on. Then it hit me, my precious friend who is now enduring chemo treatments in preparation for her surgery who takes care of 3 sweet baby girls and still manages to call me several times a week would not be encouraged by my pity party thats for sure. I had two choices, I could either wallow in my sorrow (not such an attractive way to go might I say) or I could step up to the plate and make my life what I wanted it to be, not perfect, but bearable, NO, not bearable either, enjoyable!!!!!!!! A few months ago one of my favorite teachers said this line and I'll never forget it, YOU CAN EITHER BE PITIFUL OR POWERFUL, BUT YOU CAN'T BE BOTH! How profound. That line had rang in my ear hundreds of times as I sat behind my desk at Hope Pregnancy Center wondering what on earth to do, but now in my stay at home mom days, it seems to be equally applicable. I have a choice and the choice I was making at the moment seemed to have everyone around me feeling despair. Powerful it was, but where to start. Well, first, the house was a disaster and dinner needed to happen. Second, I think Jeremy would have dug through an entire storage shed for my book by that point so he ever so graciously got to work on that task. Cross is a little guy and he can't make things better so mommy just had to step up to the plate. So today, powerful it is, we are back on our schedule and already I can see changes in Cross and whether it is him or my new feelings of sanity, I'm not sure, but who cares. I am going to suck it up and go to a walk in clinic and be thankful it is just for a cold and not a chemo treatment and most importantly (at least in my book) I'm calling around for a mother's day out program to get a break which I may not "deserve" but why on earth wouldn't I take. Are you feeling pitiful today? I know the feeling, my Bible Study was so appropriately describing how sometimes it is not major catastrophes that steal our joy, sometimes it is just life. Join me today and let's be powerful. I think that is the side Christ will bless!

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