Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Let's see how it goes.......

I am getting on once again to attempt to form some kind of post in order to say hello, stay connected, and attempt to be a blogger who really does blog. I feel so up and down lately that I hate to take you along on the roller coaster of my life, but I guess you board at your own free will. One part of me is doing cartwheels daily about J's new awesome career and the reality that our life is FINALLY moving forward and then another side of me is so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I am certain the "moving on" is never really going to happen. Satan loves a defeated heart and often the only reason I don't go to the rock bottom is because it would make him happy and I really prefer and enjoy ticking him off instead. He has stolen too many of my days to allow him even one more.

I, as all humans, would prefer to log on and tell you guys how great and wonderful my life is, my faith is, my child is, my marriage is, you get the point. I would rather not be a rambling basket case who has so many personalities that you keep checking the top to see if you have accidentally ventured to another person's blog. It is still me, one day so full of faith and love and adoration for Christ that I cannot contain myself and then another day I am the biggest brat this side of the Mississippi. I was thinking today, what would I do if I had a "real" health problem? I fall apart over a head ache. I missed the phone call today from the nurse at the endocrinologist about my blood work that was done there so now I have to wait until the a.m. I have also been battling the battle between natural vs well.........PHDish. I got an ear full yesterday about my supplements and I wanted so badly to be a godly woman and respect where he was coming from, but I really wanted to scream, YOU DON'T LIVE MY LIFE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE to not even be able to hold your eyes open to drive or to play with your two year old or make dinner for your husband. I feel great when I take them and like crap when they make me stop for blood work so I am sticking what works for now. I just wish the doctors would join forces and all get along. I also hate that money drives every one's opinion to some degree and stops my motivation to get to the bottom of the problem. I also wonder at what point do you go get hands laid on you for healing and when do you go to the doctor? If Jesus is willing to heal me for free and for fast, I never ever want to miss out on that. I also have an ear issue, that may or may not be allergy related. Today, after months of annoyance, it is totally blocked and killing me, lovely thing to happen as you are driving out of town. I am in Winchester, spending some time by the pool with my mom and whining instead of praising as you can see. I also found out this week that it will probably be TWO years before we can get a loan for a home and I will no comment how that made me feel. I told J it would be like someone telling him that he would not be able to have a work space of his own for two years, TWO YEARS. I try not to idolize a home, but today I am not winning that battle either, as you can tell.

So...............will Jesus rock my world and will I feel silly for fretting over these things, yes! Will He work all of this out and does He PROMISE to give you wisdom (James 1:5,6) if you ask, not as a double minded man, YES! So, I am going to bed, waking in the a.m. and having a good quite time and attempting to have a thankful heart tomorrow. I need to make a nice long list of thanks and politely ask some pleases. No one is motivated to bless a brat! I love you guys, I will post photos one day I promise. I am computerless and cameraless because of J's new job, but I try not to let those minor details frustrate me, but I am failing fiercely. I could list you a million details just from this week alone that would prove to you just how blessed I really am and I think I will attempt to make that my next post. How depressing this one has become, please forgive me. I want a steadfast Spirit, but as of today, I think the first month of BC is no friend of a sinner. I will work on things and super sweet, loving, bubbly Kelly will appear again soon and encourage you to follow madly after the Savior. I can promise you that being in Winchester surrounded by my past is a glorious reminder "that I have been chosen so that I can proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light"! He is so worthy, the other option is just down right CRAP! I lived it for 23 years and my worst day on this side, does not even compare to the before. So may I truck on, be thankful for grace, really really thankful for grace and we'll try again tomorrow! His mercies being new is so gloriously refreshing!


No comments: