Friday, June 18, 2010

One Last Hooo Rahhhhh







Hello Blog World, I am so all or none, no posts for a few weeks and then three in three days. If you only knew how true that is in all areas of my life. I thought I would get on and give one last hello, share some family photos, and probably sign off from the Bullock Family for a month or so in order to focus on the Ethiopia Blog. You can come along if you would like at http://www.comewithmetoethiopia.blogspot.com/.
Several realities have hit today. As you know we were supposed to be beaching it this week so I kept thinking "I'll focus on Ethiopia once we get back from the beach". That is how my box brain works, but now as there is no beach I am ready to switch gears.

With that, the one thing I dread most is missing my family, but I know that always makes me VERY close to the Lord which is never a bad thing. I feel insecure sometimes even coming to Winchester without my man. I call him OFTEN and can hardly wait to get back to him. Cross, well, I am usually honestly thankful for the break for the first day or so and then well, there really hasn't ever been a then. I can't remember exactly, but I am thinking no more than 4 days have I been away from him. 10 will be hard. I haven't felt this in a while, but I know the Lord is saying "I have planned it this way baby, that you would know no one and take no one with you, even your phone must remain here, it is just going to be me and you." That's how it was in 2003 when we first started walking together. I had to give up ALL of my relationships, some of my family even took a few steps back, it was just me and Jesus. I talked to Him almost every second of every day. Now I find myself calling J, calling you, calling humans and begging them to meet my needs, fill my security and love tank and they always fail because they are not capable of succeeding. Ethiopia will bring back that intimacy, telling Him my every fear, begging Him to come closer and allow me to feel His presence more and more. People will be all around, but I know I will feel very much alone.
I will put all of the details of Him calling me to the trip in the first place in the blog, but know that although I am excited, I more so know that I am called. I will not/can not ask myself how I "feel" about any step of this venture. He has called me and He will fully equip me. I cannot be a double minded man or I will miss His blessing! He has made it clear and confirmed it a million times over so this is not up for negotiation at this point, it is up for obedience, and by His grace, I will obey. So thank you for your prayers! I depart in a little over 3 weeks and after reading an email today with lots of do's and don'ts the uncomfortable reality has set in, pray for me that excitement will override any and all fears! Actually, pray for those sweet babies that are certain to break my heart instead of praying for my poor heart. We/I am the person who "must do something about this". Pray God gives me a deep vision for how I am to help, even how my smile is to brighten their very dark days. I can't wait for Heaven. I can't wait until orphans are a thing of the past, but in the mean time, may I love them madly, lavishly. May I hug them so tight when I miss my own sweet baby and may I pray bold prayers while I am there that will move mountains on their behalf. So until Augustish, "Come with me to Ethiopia", we are certain to have an eye opening, heart wrenching, good time!

K

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Seriously about to cry reading this post - I want to go too! I am so proud of you and the boldness that you have. God is so going to supply your each and every need while you are there and will do so in bigger ways than you can even imagine. I'm praying for you in more ways than one. Praying that God will show you "Mercy" and that you will know it!!! There is a HUGE calling on your life sweet friend and I am honored to be able to walk through life with you.