Thursday, March 24, 2011

Random Tidbits.............

People have asked us great questions along the way so here are some answers and other random thoughts that I figured I would share before my poor brain forgets them. I saw a new mom the other night that had left the house with her flip flop "house shoes" on and no jewelry and I laughed so hard inside, it is really a wonder we make it out somedays dressed even. My brain is on much higher alert than ever a day spent in banking. It is done, so here is my pitiful attempt at a random thoughts post....

1. The readoption and her birthday change. Our adoption IS final but most agencies suggest that you do something called a readoption once you have the child in the states. This is basically just a formality of paperwork (that costs ANOTHER $1200 bucks btw, geeeez) and it will help down the road when she needs a passport, etc. It is also the time when we officially change her name, currently her name is her given name and then Jeremy as middle and Bullock as last. Also, this is when we change her birthday. One of the saddest things to me is that the mothers do not know their actual children's birthdate. It is just not a cultural thing, possibly because they are way too poor to plan super fun birthday parties with presents, balloons and silly hats. The birth mother DID know that Mercy was 2.5 and that was what we had thought, at least 6 months younger than Cross and from what we can tell developmently that is very accurate. There is a way to have some testing done but we are going to bypass that because we feel like we are close and I don't even want to fathom the price tag. The problem came in when the court in Ethiopia randomly assigned her a birthdate that put her at almost 3.5 which would have made her older than Cross and that was a biggy to us, to keep him as the oldest child, the big brother..............so on April 7th we get to go to Montgomery County Court and have another judge say she is yours! That never gets old! Ok, hope that makes sense.....

2. The next question we get so very often is does she speak English and the answer is no. Her native language is Amharic (not a lot of schools offering that as a foreign language these days). She has been around VERY little English. Each time we have been in Ethiopia we have had a translater for everything. She does know how to count to 10 and kind of ramble off her ABC's but other than that she has picked up a lot already and probably more than we even know because her words are still hard to understand becaue of her accent. For instance, she can't say the "sh" sound and although her tongue can roll an r, she has trouble with tons of sounds we make frequently. Her main list that we run down about 100 times daily is mommy, papa (that is what she calls J in the most high pitched little voice ever), Cross (rolled r, SO darn cute), Mercy, and then Snick (her new bff) which sounds more like sa-nick. Oh and she is also saying "I love you" that is more like "I woof you" and it will just about melt your heart in two point two seconds. She will go around all day with a little bag packed and say "bye, I woof you". hahhahaha So we are are working on English, but relishing in her little Amharic chatter that fills the home as she is playing. I BARELY passed all my foreign languages (I am just betting so did J) so we aren't great parents in that department, but God's grace is covering it. There is a lot of pointing and repeating words in toddlerhood regardless so it has been very natural and very easy to communicate. One time she was asking for a tissue and I didn't know what she was saying and finally she just swung her little hips around and marched to the bathroom and got the thing herself! hahhaha

3. The next is "how is Cross doing" and the answer even today is SO much better. It has been hard for our poor little guy at times. I am thinking he probably at some moments thinks it was more fun when we were just talking about her and then at some moments he is literally squeezing the life out of her but IN LOVE. He has been an only child and it shows but it is good for both of them (and I am certain good for us). We have swung to both ends of the unhealthy pendulum, too much over compensation and then wanting to choke him, and now we are trying to land in a heathly center. Sometimes I have to tell her to wait and she wants all the attention as well so sometimes I just want to not hear mommy four million times a day but it is getting so much better! Last night we had a kissy fest and they were both on cloud nine so there is grand hope. She nags at him too much and he rough houses her too much but I am certain that is with every brother and sister, theirs was just an instant instead of a gradual transition. I have laughed so hard and thought to myself (as a reminder for me) honey, boys just don't need two mama's. She will get that finger going and say "Closs, Closs" and I can see it in his eye, he wants to snap that finger right off! hahhahaha The good moments are when I can laugh about it all, the bad moments are when the play room is filled with screams and mommy's and then Cross' "I hit her", well at least the kid is honest! So as you can tell, better keep praying.

3. Her eating habits. We kind of had a plan going in that to some degree we would just raise her on Cross' diet because it would be easier all the way around. Their tummies have a lot of recovering to do from parasites in the water and such so we thought his bland diet would work great and so far so good. One thing that I didn't think of that has been odd is that she has not had a great variety of food so she is a little weirded out by say- a strawberry. I am making her try everything just because she would probably assume just to have peanut butter crackers 24/7 (she is still a two year old at heart) and for the most part she has liked pretty much everything. This is just a funny/random thing. In their culture they mainly eat with their hands and they kind of (I am not really sure how to explain this) take their thumb and first three fingers and work things into like a paste???? Well anyways, the other day I had given them a nutragrain bar, you know, you can just bite the thing and be done. Well I had walked away and I heard Cross say "look, Mercy is making a messy" and I turned around and sure enough that kid had turned that nutragrain bar into a crumbled mess but she was carefully pasting it together. We are trying to teach her how to BITE. That has given us a 1,000 laughs.


4. And then a biggie of course in toddler world is "how is attachment going". One thing that people often don't think about is your mother's anxiety on how YOU will attach. And I know some people who have adopted and are still struggling and working through all that and if you are reading now, keep begging God for a miracle. I was worried about that because when I went in December I know for sure that I had a huge "what if this all falls apart" wall up but when we has passed Embassy and she was for sure ours in March I kept telling myself "you don't have to leave her again, you are NEVER going to have to give her back". Within a week or so of being home it was all washed away and that was MY BABY GIRL. I have that mama bear instinct and when she looks up at me my heart literally MELTS. Sometimes yes I wanna scream still because she is two but I love her literally just like I love Cross and that is a miracle that I can ONLY attribute to Jesus! As far as her attachment goes, I know she loves her mama and L O V E S her daddy. The thing we are still concerned with is her ZERO stranger anxiety. This has been hard but certainly reiterated the fact that we really cannot allow people to hold her for several more months. She will literally walk into a room of total strangers and stick her arms out for someone to pick her up. Early on we went to Jump Zone just to get out and let Cross romp (and romp that brave boy did) but she almost walked right up to a total stranger that we hadn't even spoken to and sat in their lap. I had to apologize and explain to the people but it honestly scared me half to death and showed me just how strict we have got to be. You almost have to laugh instead of cry but for this mama it was not funny. It is hard, especially with our family, but everyone has been wonderful and more than understanding. We have put her and are starting to put her in childcare a little bit at church and at Bible Study because she gets SO sad when Cross gets to go and she doesn't (Jeremy keeps reminding me that she was in a orphange with TONS of kids all day long). We are sending her in with STRICT instructions that no adult is allowed to hold her (trust me, she will put those arms up quicker than I can explain) and then I am trying not to be gone for any longer than hour or so just to make sure she doesn't start feeling "left". So in a nut shell, maybe a big one, that is us and attachment, all and all miracluous if you ask me! If you saw us out, you'd never know we hadn't all been together forever.

5. Potty Training, yes Mercy is PERFECTLY potty trained, even at night. Diapers really aren't a commodity over there so I guess you just learn out of desperation a little more. MY MAN CROSS is also rocking and rolling this week! I am praising Jesus for sure!

6. And finally, Mercy's eyes, she really does have some of the most beautiful eyes (and eyelashes) you have ever seen in your entire life. Jeremy's grandmother said "her eyes talk" and that is true for certain. Just a cute thing that has overwhelmed me and reminded me constantly where she has come from has been to watch her eyes as she sees new things. She is here and in her cute clothes and basket full of bows and it is easy to forget the other children, the "other" reality but it is real. When we walked into a grocery store for the first time I thought she was going to die. She screeched her way through every aisle with eyes as wide as they could get. The other thing that almost sent her over the edge was the sunroof opening in the car. I laughed so hard I had to stop driving for a second. I can only imagine what that little girl was thinking. She knows her parents are really really rich, her parents just have to remember that for themselves.......

Love you guys!
K

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