This morning as I journaled to my Savior, I just had to stop and repent that it takes a national holiday for me to stop and be thankful. I personally tend to focus on all that I don’t have 364 days out of the year and then scramble to get all my thanksgivings in during one short day squished between complaining about not being home with family and stuffing myself full of rich goodies. I am sickened by my heart’s reality check, but it just comes so natural for me to be thankless. I mean the reality is I look around and see an amazing husband, the cutest darn kid in the whole world (second only to yours of course) and even a sweet puppy who is currently allowing her rear to be a cozy pillow for my head. I am warm thanks to my heater and I just got out of a fluffy mattress and drank some deliciously clean water. I wonder how often the Lord shakes His head at this spoiled brat thinking, “Kelly, really, you have it so bad.” I am such a wimp, I don’t think I could even handle hard. I would probably just curl up and die. So today, my prayer, it is listed at the top of the blog and needs to start being more of a consistent plea with God to change this selfish heart and pray that hopefully next Thanksgiving when I wake up I won’t feel one year behind on my thanksgivings. Pslam 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart Oh Lord, and renew in me a steadfast spirit.” I have studied that the original word for “create” means to create from nothing, not to refashion, but to literally create. Well thank goodness, because there is nothing much to work with in the first place. I want this heart’s natural tendency to be thankful which will most certainly need to be a miracle of the Lord because I, left to my own flesh, am certain to die wallowing in my own self pity. I am sorry Lord that I naturally complain, whine, compare, and spend most of my days fully enthralled in a one guest only pity party. I pray that you will cover my selfishness with the blood of Jesus and begin to create from scratch a new heart that consistently runs towards a joy that awakes me every morning with a heart that if full of thanksgiving. I pray that you will do such a work in my heart that I don’t even recognize myself in the years to come. I pray that Thanksgiving become just another day to pay You glory instead of a day of catching up on lost realized blessings. You did enough on the cross to have me on my knees everyday in total admiration. You have offered me an intimate relationship that has caused me to feel You literally in my car or in my living room. You have given me a calling and a purpose on this earth that even I could not handle if I knew all of the details. What on earth more could a girl ask for? So today, Thanksgiving it is, but next year tune in for a miraculously changed heart that will do this thing more intuitively because of a much needed heart transplant and not one from another thankless soul, one that has been created anew!
Naturally so darn selfish,
Kelly
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