Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Jesus Take the Wheel, Oh No Wait, Give it Back!


I'm a big kid now!


Chill time on our boppy!


Mommy making me play dress up, I'M A BOY!!!!!!!!


First of all, can you believe this sweet baby boy is already a month old? I feel like he is the most handsome thing I have ever laid my eyes on and Jeremy and I both agree we fall more and more in love with him each day! I promise this is a gift I am NOT taking for granted! Thanks to all who have enthusiastically welcomed him into this world! Ok, so Jesus take the wheel, what is that all about?? Can I ask you how many times is Jesus going to have to teach me this lesson in particular? You would think that someone that was willing to jump in feet first and move 13 hours away would have a life fully surrendered to God, but I give Him the wheel and then I work out the details. He can give me the big picture and then I'll jump in and handle the details! Let me share with you what is going on. Tuesday night after an awesome New Year's with our dear friends who are about to depart as the husband goes over seas to protect our freedom (the freedom that will allow Jeremy to do what he is called to do) and his sweet wife that is going to do one of the bravest things I have ever seen a woman do and that is to face the next 15 months without the person who she has become one flesh with over the last few years. So, great New Year's to say the least, they walk out the door, Jeremy says he isn't feeling so hot and 10 minutes later he is as sick as I have ever seen one human be! I wish I could tell you that I was focused on my husband first and foremost, but to be honest, after I had him settled with a trash can by his head, the first thought that ran through my mind was OUR TRIP! What if we don't get to go on our trip, and at that moment I pitched the biggest fit in my heart towards God. I was like a toddler who is on the floor wailing out of control, just with dignity, my fit was in my heart (which is so much better :) Then it hit me that Jeremy would loose two MORE days of pay and I had just found out that we had gone over on our cell minutes with our new arrival's announcements. How can you go from mountain moving faith to fit pitching and number crunching in two point two seconds? Maybe God didn't know that we have an appointment with the banker on Friday, the real estate agent on Saturday and the Health Insurance man on Monday. Maybe He didn't get the memo that I am ready to get this show on the road and that it has been hard enough for me to wait this week, much less longer. Maybe He didn't know that the second He gave us the go, I have planned out all the details and a stomach virus was NOT on the agenda! I felt God speaking to me, reminding me (with tons of love) that I needed to remember that He was still in control of this ship. That if HE didn't feel it necessary for us to go THIS weekend, then He was right! He moved my heart to more surrender, with my plans, and with our finances! I honestly didn't think I could surrender any more, but He was showing me I had given Him control of the big picture, but jerked it back for the details. God's Word says in Romans 12:2 that we can know His pleasing and perfect will. I often think that we fail to experience the fullness of God much of the time because we make Him small and impersonal by only allowing Him to be over the big stuff in life and with the Word saying perfect will, that means detail to me! So why wouldn't I have total surrender, not only to the big picture call on Jeremy and I's life, but also to EACH and every detail of the journey! So I have surrendered, this weekend, next weekend, next month. You are in control, You are loving and want the best for us and You are thankful for my assistance, but You can handle it on Your own! I am reading the most amazing book ever that I would love any of you to join me in reading called Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren (Rick Warren's wife) and let me show you what I read today, "To want to serve God in some conditions, but not others, is to serve Him in your own way." OUCH!!!!! So today after my poor husband could barely hold down a few pieces of toast and crawl into the shower we have (well I have) surrendered that it is not God's pleasing and perfect will for us to travel to North Carolina THIS weekend. Please be praying that Jeremy will recover and that we didn't dare spread this horrible disaster of a sickness to our friend who is heading overseas this coming week. Please pray God's PLEASING AND PERFECT will for every detail of this journey, especially the ones I am trying to take control of and plan. We'll keep you posted, but as of now stay away from the Bullock home, we are one big package of germs, but we are surrendered, AGAIN!

Trying!!!!
Kelly

2 comments:

Tracie said...

I will start off by telling you that this is my very first blog encounter! I am so proud for the both of you in every way of your life. Cross is everything, every detail BB has told me! She is radiant while doing so!!!! I know your week has been alot of mountians & valleys to say the least, but you will prevail. I cannot tell you how much joy I feel in my heart for your family. Savor every minute, every burp, every sleepless night as I know you will. DID I SAY THAT???? Yes I did!! Kelly, slow down your mind and breathe and pray alot!!!! Things are going to be great for you and yours, I have faith!!! Take care of yourself physically, you have alot going on. Love to all 3 of you and please keep me updated!!! Jeremy Get Well SOON! Cross, LOVE & KISSES, I want to see you b4 you leave us.

hilary said...

Kelly,

This baby is darling! So good catching up with you these past few days. Let's talk (or email) soon.

Love,
Hilary