Friday, March 27, 2009

Can't Sleep?

Me neither............It is almost 4 a.m. and I have been up for at least 2 hours now. I tossed and turned forever and then finally got up figuring I should go ahead and get some good blog reading in if I was awake anyway. This sleep thing is driving me crazy. I was going to type, "I pride myself in getting a good nights sleep" and it hit me, that is probably the problem. God is probably humbling me into having great grace for those out there who struggle staying asleep or getting to sleep at night. I just think every problem in life has an answer and it is that mind set that certainly gets this gal into trouble. I don't have the gift of mercy, I have the gift of FIX IT! Well.........what happens when you can't fix it. What happens when you are just wide awake at 4 a.m., when you haven't had caffeine all week, when you are trying not to stress and worry or even better when you don't even think you are stressing and worrying. What happens when there is nothing else to pull from in your bag of "fix it" tricks and you are still wide awake. I think there may be things I am worrying about, even subconsciously, but I certainly am giving myself grace that these can't totally be avoided even with the strongest of faiths this side of heaven. I sometimes don't voice all of my fears because the Lord has given me an awesome verse for this season "For it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord, it is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young." Lam 3:26,27 but I think this sleep thing is giving a voice to them regardless. I DO want to move on in our calling and in our life. I want to dream again, I want to see the FULL deliverance of our God in this situation. I am so tired of the word "wait" that I never, ever want to hear it again! I want this mountain to move and I don't mean eventually, I MEAN TOMORROW, well technically TODAY! I want this cup to pass, this season to change, this test to end. I am weary of this broken road however I know it leads to YOU! I love you Lord, I am honored you would refine this highly stained heart, but please, please move soon even if it is just so I know that You are there!!!!!!! A few lines above in Lamentations (that is a fun word to say over and over by the way) are some cool verses that begin with an awesome word:
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed for his compassion's never fail. They are new EVERY MORNING; great is thy faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is GOOD to those whose hope is in him, to the ones who seek him." Lam 3:21-25
So even in this morning hour of knowing NOTHING of what He is going to do next I am going to have a big YET party! Not so I can appear to have it all together, (I think we skipped that when I started blogging at 4 a.m. don't you) but because deep down in the core of my being I really do believe every word of that scripture. I am just battling the spiritual verses the physical, my spiritual says "no worries, He is going to move and man is it going to rock my world when He does" the physical says "panic panic, wheels TURN".
Ok, love you guys, thanks for hanging with this crazy lady and her crazy life and most thankfully her crazy posts!!! Trying to go to bed again now!

1 comment:

The Feicht Family said...

hey girl, i hear ya on the whole "waiting" thing AND the needing a break from your sweet child. i feel like the past year all i have done is wait and i'm ready to DO. anyway, thanks for the thoughts, i always love to read them! so glad you got to hear and enjoy beth moore!