Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So Long Insecurity....................

Hey gang, yes, I have already started another book and if you don't LOVE reading like I do, don't dare ever be tempted to think that I am "super spiritual" reading woman. Maybe look at it a little more like my favorite pass time and my greatest need just happen to merge. I will say this, if reading is not your favorite pass time, you have got to find a way to get this good stuff into your psyche one way or the other. I am only a few chapters into this book and I am sitting with my chin on the ground in great awe of the wisdom I could have potentially gone my entire life without knowing. It alarms me to think about how wounded we walk around and about how satan will let something as stupid as us "not loving to read" interfere with huge breakthroughs. It is as dumb as saying "I don't like the way healthy foods taste". So you will die early instead of sucking it up and just not asking yourself how you "feel"? Ok, that was a bit of a soap box, I am refocused.
As I began reading this book, I have been so thrilled at moments when it has occurred to me that God has already worked on mounds and mounds of my own insecurity issues, but no worries, I am certain all the same that I have a million more to overcome. If you are reading this book along with the group on Beth Moore's Blog, I thought it would be fun to share some "eye openers" we have already noticed and maybe even started to overcome, but I am betting by the end of the book I will have another list that needs a fixin.
So, let's start with body image..........I have two words for you, well, kind of a word and a half, post-pregnancy. That right there did more to shoot holes all through my body image than any chapter in any book could have shot. I, once a decently active, somewhat in shape, young woman had to look down and find that NOTHING was where it was supposed to be. At that moment I had a decision to make, would I turn to dysfunctional or would I face the problem head on. Would I work out with wisdom or with obsession? Would I go spend a fortune trying to "make" myself look good or would I live within my budget and do the best with what I had at the moment. You get the point.
Another glorious thing that has caused me to let a million unhealthy insecurities go has been this recent Bullock Budget Crisis, combined with a heavy dosage of Dave Ramsey. You see, again, I have been faced with a choice, would I spend unwisely to keep up with the Jones or would I live within my means, no matter how small those means were for the month and no matter how little those means would feed having just the right outfit, hair, shoes, or kids clothes. During this field trip to priorities I have made some marvelous discoveries that I pray and pray will come along with me when we once again step back into the world of "more". I've learned how stupid it is to spend money on things that "won't work" instead of giving to people and things that will. I have learned that THERE IS NEVER ENOUGH so why even go on the stickin pursuit. There is NOT enough money in this world to make you not want more. You think there is, you (and I) think we'd sure like to try, but trust me, there is not enough. If you have just the right house, you need just the right curtains and car to accessorize and then dog gone it, your cute little puppy will just come along and pee on the whole parade.
And finally, Cross, he may have been the icing on the "there is no use" cake. Spit up was the start. I could put that kid in the cutest outfit this side of the Mississippi and in 10 minutes, poop, pee, or spit up would ruin my parade and I could hear the Savior saying, "why Kelly, why does it matter". Then came the boy and dirt, puddles, nose unmentionables and the way he rubs his head on the back of that darn car seat until there isn't enough water and combs to contain it. NO USE. I am getting better and better about realizing that clothes are to be worn, conveniently, and no I don't want my husband to be embarrassed when we walk out the door, but there is no use trying to impress the world in the mean time.
I think my problem is like most of yours, these issues are hidden, they are deeply embedded, and in our-entirely appearance driven-society, almost always allowed to stay under the radar. I am so thankful for a God who made me deal with these issues without ever even dreaming to sign up for the class. I am thankful that He has brought this book into my lap with an author who doesn't remotely intend on allowing us to stay in bondage just because the lifting may be a bit heavy. I am thankful for a mother-in-law who bought this book for me as a Valentine's Day present. What a perfect gift for such an often times self focusing holiday! I love you guys! I have no intentions of letting you settle for less than the best either. Go buy this book and prepare for some not so easy reading, but let's grow closer to whole as we journey closer to Heaven. This present world will certainly thank us if we do!
Because of Him,

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