Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Confessions of a mad toddler mom.................

ok, so this has not been the greatest week of my life. I had to share a little to hopefully encourage everyone out there that this life is hard and that God's grace is really good and really big. Before we begin, an update on Shawnna, she is HOME! THANK YOU JESUS! She starts her regular rotation of chemo this Thursday. Thank you guys so much for your prayers and keep em' up, the battle has just begun!

1. The "mad" in the title is mad mostly as in crazy, but for sure sometimes mad as in ugly, yucky, anger! Without Jesus I don't know how anyone raises a child, no clue!

2. It is a HUGE adjustment going from the working world to the mommy world. I am still adjusting daily. I was good at work and I feel very inadequate at parenting. The Lord is showing me that this new adventure will only cause me to lean into Him more which is always a win even though it rarely feels like it at first. Secondly, the Lord is showing me that I should put all of the gifts and talents that I used in the work place into my home. Thirdly, I wasn't a good worker when I started. I just had a kick butt mentor at the bank who taught me how to rock and roll in the business world and God has and will provide those mentors in the mommy world as well and I WILL get better at this!

3. Cross brings out all the bad in me and that is a good thing. Otherwise it would be in there and never be exposed! God is in the light shining business and I am seeing more and more junk that needed magnifying!

4. Every mom I meet has been so open and honest about these struggles. I have been blessed that not one mommy has said, "Oh, I love being a mommy all the time and I am naturally great at it!" Thank goodness! That would make me feel very defeated for sure!

5. God's grace will cover even my most horrific moments as a mom! He forgives me quickly when I say or think things I would DIE if I heard someone else say or think! He will meet Cross' needs when I fail him greatly. He will make up for all my mistakes one way or another and that I can trust because I most certainly cannot trust me!

6. The perfect world doesn't exist! Parents get cancer and have to let "someone else" raise their kids for a season. Sometimes we watch too much tv or eat Popsicles BEFORE dinner just so mommy can get the meal cooked before the breakdown breaks everyone down. Plans change, life happens and if I don't learn how to roll with the punches I am going to be in for a long hard life of frustration!

7. God does this thing to us called "mother's instinct" that overrides any and all reasoning in regards to having children and in keeping them as well! I am overwhelmed yet excited about another baby. I think I am for sure going to give Cross away and take my old life back and then he learns how to "moooooooo and bark" and I am in love all over again! It really is a psychological blessing we are given to populate the earth!

8. I wasn't as thankful as I should have been during my pre-kid life (which is long gone, never to return; hopefully and sadly all at the same time). Now I look at moms who are waiting for a baby and I want to scream..................ENJOY! I know that sounds terrible to say, but I have promised not to pretend here even if it is not warm and fuzzy! I would kill to come home from work and sit my booty on the couch and not move until it was time to go to bed. I know it is the whole "grass is greener" thing. My mom told me one day recently "well honey, at least you don't have to go to work". I told her I would kill to go to work some days (even though when I was working I totally longed to be home with kids). Life is all about embracing each season and I am working on embracing mine!!!!!!!!

9. Cross ALWAYS has a rash of some sort! I just needed to share that. As a mommy, I thought there was a formula for any and all ailments and that if I could just keep the formulas going we would be all right! Well...........I should attach a picture of his bug bites that are the size of North Carolina and his miscellaneous bug bites and scratches on his legs. Last night I am not joking.........I used...triple antibiotic, hydrocortizone, hemp lotion, and nose spray before we put on our pjs. That has to be annoying for all involved!

10. I am beyond thankful for this blessing of motherhood at the end of the day! I, selfishly, am just drawn to things that I feel good at, that come easy, that I can accomplish quickly. Raising children fall in none of those categories, but God seems to think that I am up for the challenge. I know one day when I watch Cross rock this world for Jesus, when he gets dunked into a pool of water and is baptized, when I see full evidence of the Holy Spirit living inside of him, then all of this will be worth it! But for today, I was able to rescue Cross when he landed on the floor and bonked his head, I was able to make sure he had some healthy stuff go into his body to help it form and grow and because God is gracious and His mercies are new every afternoon, we will for sure go down for a NAP!

Love you guys to death and thank you so much for enduring the confessions!


Living With Purpose said...

Oh my word...can I just say, "I FEEL THE SAME WAY". Thanks for your honesty!!!

Emily said...

Girl, I love you and miss you and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!! Thanks for the encouragement...er, or confessions! Either way, I totally know how you feel :) See you Saturday! (I still can't sign into blogger, argh...)

Brooke Callis said...

I don't know if you remember me, but I sure enjoy reading your blog. It gives me encouragement and I love seeing how God is using you through it. I found it off another blog I read. Tuesday's post was fabulous. I couldn't agree more with number 3! My 3 1/2 year old, Faith, definitely brings out the worst in me; I just never looked at it in that way! Number 10 means alot to this mom of 2 girls, also.
Keep it up!
Brooke (Hogan) Callis

Bullock Family said...

BROOKE! Is this Brooke Hogan, Chi O???? It is so great to hear from you and I would love to catch up so email me so I will have your email! I can't figure out how to contact you through the comment(which may be a duh but I am slow)!

Mark, Emily, Lillie Mae and Titus Man said...

k- you are awesome and i love you and i love your honesty and REAL! i am totally totally in the boat with you especially the go back to no kid days thing. woah, sometimes i wonder if mark and i have forgotten who each other is...so nutso.

keep it up!